I'm 37 with 2 kids (5 & 10). Divorced 3 years ago. Every other week 50/50 custody. Stable career making $100k+ remotely.
I got divorced 3 years ago. Started dating immediately and did that for a year. Realized I was dating cause I was hurt, not cause I was ready. So, I benched myself. Focused on my kids, my career and me for 2 years.
Well, a month ago I decided to start messing around with dating apps. With the idea being that I don't mind some short term fun, but that I wouldn't mind meeting "my person" if that's even in the cards for me. I have the attitude that I'm happy and I don't need someone. But it would be nice to meet someone special.
Had pretty decent activity on the apps, went on some first and second dates. Nothing spectacular. I've mostly ran into how much it sucks to try to date when you're late 30's with kids. Either our schedules don't align or they aren't interested in a dad. It's way different than my 20's without kids and kinda sucks.
Well, I met someone a week ago. She's younger, she's 24. She has a 5 year old herself. Instead of just a basic dinner date, we started there and had an instant connection. Ended up spontaneously going to a concert, then walking downtown and across the river on a bridge and just really had a special night. Since then, we've gone on dates almost every day this week as I'm on my week without my kids and her kid stays with the dad for the summer.
I genuinely enjoy her company and am really having a lot of fun with her. It also doesn't hurt that she's a complete knockout, in my eyes. She's gorgeous. Actually she's smoking 👀
And maybe it's as simple as that. Ride that wave, see where it goes. And that's that.
But, if we want to make it more complicated, then sure. So these are the things that either don't match where I'm at or may need work…
Work wise, she doesn't have a career. It's a little scattered. She seems to have about 5 part time jobs she manages at the same time. She seems to do well from them as her kid goes to a private school that she says she pays for. She's going on a solo week long vacation next week with lots of activities. Although her house she rents seems to be a cheaper place in a so so side of the town. So, while she doesn't have a career, she seems to have ambition and a work ethic, from what I can tell.
Education & family wise (cause they tie in), it sounds like she didn't complete high school as she ran away from home. Because her home was filled with abuse and drugs. She took a legal loophole in getting married to the guy she got pregnant with as her being legally a "runaway" she would be returned to that abusive home or something like that. She found herself in a new abuse situation with that husband. But, she got out when she divorced him 2 years ago. She maintains a bit of a strained relationship with her mom. But mostly cause it sounds like she just doesn't have anybody. She moved where she moved to because of her ex husband and just doesn't know anyone.
Health wise, she's recently had a couple of seizures and she's in the middle of going through the process to medically figure out what's going on.
Her deal breakers is that she wants to take things slow physically. She's also only in the business of a long term relationship that would end up in marriage and the guy being a step dad. Along with having a strong relationship with God. I'm honestly fine with all these things. The relationship with God is new, but it's something I've been exploring the last year or so.
So, on paper I'm not sure it's the perfect situation. On paper, I was looking for more of an equal in career and education. Maybe with a big loving family. Probably closer to my age as well.
But I also recognize that I'm not perfect myself. I didn't get my bachelors or start my career until I was over 30 years old. I was just a bartender in my 20's. My family is small and divided and heavily injected with drug problems (I've cut a lot of my family off).
She seems to have her morals, mindset, and relationship foundations (communication, trust, etc) all in the right place. I also looove her adventurous mindset. Shes always making notes about places to go and visit and it's been fun. It really just seems like she was handed a bad set of cards to start her life with. But she's done a great job getting out of it. Just can't build Rome in a day.
Has anybody else run into a situation like this and how did it play out?
Update
I decided to ask her about the income not making sense. She came out and told me that there's an 85 year old man that pays her bills from an arrangement they made where it sounds like she comes up a few times a month and basically gives him company. No sex, but there's sexual stuff.
She said she thought about telling me yesterday but didn't know cause there's been not a lot of time since we've met. But, she'll kill the arrangement as soon as I say so. But, she also mentioned she's very traditional in terms of the man being the head of the household and the woman being the home maker. She has no plans of not being employed she wants to contribute, but she's envisioning combined income in a relationship.
This really blows but I probably gotta kill this off.