Ps.Recently I’ve been more social. I talk to a ton of new people at my job. I figured that I have to initiate a conversation if I want one to happen so now I do.
I have a friend who I started getting closer to. We used to be very very close, like attached at the hip, and then we grew apart. Now we’re getting close again but I’m scared they don’t want that anymore. I’m also scared that they aren’t what I’m looking for in a friend.
Your probably thinking I’m an idiot and to take what I can get. My type of “friend” is someone I can hug, go over to their house and same for them, and someone I can hang out with and never have to think about what I’m going to say next.
I don’t know if I’m touch deprived but I wish I could hug a friend. I want to have AT LEAST one friend where we do basically everything together and never get bored. Did any of you guys find one? How?
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You need to realize a best friend is a rare thing in life. Here’s why. A best friend to a person is a friend who not only knows this person well for a long time, but is also in proximity to the person, outstandingly fulfills multiple needs of this person, and is irreplaceable in doing so in that person’s eyes. It is very difficult to be a best friend, if not outright impossible. In adulthood, you automatically won’t be in proximity to most people you know. Your life and other people’s lives are separate, not codependent. People at this stage will always have other things going on in life besides a friendship with you. This includes work, family, other close by friends etc. The hallmark of good friendships, however, is being able to accept distance and getting back in touch when it is mutually convenient.
How do you make good friends wirh people ? Genuinely connect with people in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what they say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.