Should I keep pushing through a tough work situation?

Backstory: I’m 31 years old, married, and have a one year old boy. I’ve been in the corporate workforce since 2015, and I was hired at a very large, local government organization in 2019. Before this job, I worked at a very small (5 employees) company which I liked, but there wasn’t any future there, and I wanted to do more with my career. I wasn’t actively looking for a job, but I applied because it seemed like a good opportunity. The job was a longshot for me because I was at the bare minimum of the requirements, and I was shocked when I got an interview and even more shocked when I got an offer. 

When I started, it was just absolutely insane. There was no training, no manuals or procedures to follow, my boss was nonexistent for days on end, and I was totally directionless. Then, things started piling up. I would get emails for status updates about projects I had never heard about, I would come to my office to find a stack of papers needing my signature for things I had never known about, but even worse, I didn’t even understand what the documents I was supposed to sign meant. After two weeks, the office manager came in my office with a payroll report she wanted me to sign. There were 9 people on that report, and only one of them I was told was reporting to me. When I asked my boss about it, she adamantly claimed she already gave me that info through email (she never had. There was no email.), and when I pushed back, she pretty aggressively told me we’re very short staffed, and she’ll need me to help manage these people. I came to find out all those people kept getting reassigned to different managers and departments because of turnover or just not being very good workers, and she just put them all under me when I started.

Then the pandemic started, and things just got way worse. I kept my head down and just grinded through it, but all that disorganization and lack of communication was amplified. Now that things have sort of returned to normal, I was hoping it would get better, but it’s just getting worse. I’m stuck with many different responsibilities and staff members that no one else wants to deal with, and the only reason I’m responsible for them is because I was too inexperienced to push back more when I began. My boss is very difficult and unpredictable, and I don’t really trust her at all – she never wants to put anything in writing and will double down on bad decisions instead of admitting we need to go in a different direction. Every time we hire someone good, they quit in three months because of the work environment.

I have this tight, stressed out feeling in the middle of my chest, and I swear it hasn’t gone away since I began here. My wife has been complaining that I’ve been distant and irritable lately, and she says it seems like I’m always worried about something. She’s right. I constantly think about work. I don’t want to, but my brain is just an endless train of thoughts about work stuff. I think about my boss all the time, and I catch myself multiple times a day having fake arguments with her where I just tell her off. I know I need to learn how to control my thoughts and emotions, and I’m really trying, but it gets the best of me frequently.

I know quitting is an option, and that’s probably the best thing to do, but I really don’t want to. One of the highest moments of my life was when I got this job – I remember thinking how now I won’t be a loser all my life, and the work is pretty closely aligned to exactly what I want to do with my career. Government work is all about politics and connections, and I’m meeting lots of really influential, important people who I think can be great resources down the road. My goal is to work state and maybe someday federal government, and I feel like if I just keep gritting my teeth with this job, I’ll be more likely to land something better in the future. I’m also a new father, and it seems selfish to leave a stable government job because I’m just unhappy. My dad and older brothers are very successful, and they all put in 10+ years at their jobs and told me that perseverance is what helped them get to where they are. Finally, my title and level of responsibility are pretty advanced for someone my age – most of my work peers with similar titles are usually much older than me, so I feel like I’m in a good position with that.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far. I don’t necessarily need advice, although I will welcome it if you feel so inclined. I just felt the need to write this down and wanted someone to read it.