Genuine question:
If I’m the horrible, mean, and abusive person in our marriage per my husband, then why am I the one who is doing everything I can to get out of this marriage when he claims he wants to stay in it and “work it out”?
Background:
I’m desperately trying to get out of my marriage (33F). I made the mistake of marrying my high school sweetheart (M32), who turned out to be anything but a sweetheart.
He went to two decent and relatively well known schools, one of which he earned a law degree from after graduating in 2018 (read on regarding the irony of that).
He never applied for a single job.
He only started working consistently earning a paycheck 6-7 months ago when his mommy gave him a job working for their family real estate company.
I also have a few degrees and work in healthcare.
I supported us for 4 years without any consistent financial contribution from him. Including through a horrendous pregnancy where I developed severe pre-eclampsia, was admitted to the hospital at 30 weeks and had to stay until delivery. Due to the severity and complications, I didn’t think I would make it.
Less than 8 weeks after having our baby via an urgent section, I started a second job working in a healthcare facility with 10-16 hour shifts; on top of my first and main job running my own business.
He did work with me in my business for a period of time, trying to act as the manager of the practice which nearly bankrupted me, he also routinely lied and did not complete tasks in a timely manner.
I have spoken with multiple counselors who believe he is a narcissist and possible sociopath. The problem for him is his manipulation tactics no longer work on me. All I want is out.
I’ve done everything I can to get out of the marriage including:
suggesting couples counseling 4 years ago. He refused and only became an advocate for it after I hired a divorce attorney this past October.
signed all the necessary paperwork to file.
the courts sent him certified mail with the divorce information in it to which he never responded.
the court then sent him the documents requesting his response via regular mail (which he did receive, but ignored the 28 day deadline he had to respond)
now the judge is in the process of assigning a court date
he has made the process as contentious as possible and refuses to respond to the courts requests for contact and he refuses to retain his own attorney.