After 2 years together, my boyfriend told me a few months ago that I don’t have nice “dress up” clothes like nice enough dresses, etc. I am not big on dresses for sensory reasons and am not that into clubbing, etc. so I don’t see many events I would wear a dress to. He didn’t like the dresses I had so I ended up buying a skirt to go with a crop top for a restaurant brunch we did for our anniversary. I was annoyed I had to buy something to please him but he was only talking about me having “nicer” clothes, not my whole wardrobe so we got over it for the most part.
Then this weekend, we were about to head out to go to an outdoor free orchestra and he says my outfit is bad, my shorts look cheap, my shirt looks bad with my shorts, and that my style is a 0/10 – then he said 1/10 – 365 days a year. I had literally zero clothes available to wear that he liked so we fought because he made me feel insecure right before we were supposed to leave. I put on different shorts he also didn’t like and a spaghetti strap crop top to please him as the blouse I was wearing was “only a v neck.” He said he started making an effort for style a year ago which means nicer looking men’s shorts and short sleeve shirts, a couple that are button-downs. His clothing isn’t any less comfortable now whereas I feel less comfortable in skirts/dresses (at least w/o built-in shorts) as:
- My thighs rub against each other
- I don’t feel as secure down there
- I know men sexualize dresses/skirts
- Dresses a lot of times also require wearing uncomfortable shoes
I feel like to fit his standards I have to wear tight clothing that shows my boobs. I wear clothes like that sometimes on my own but I hate the idea of doing it to please him rather than wear what I want to wear at that time.
I am also autistic and tall so finding clothes I like is incredibly hard for me as I need clothes that don’t trigger me from a sensory perspective and pants are usually not long enough. My bf is also autistic but maybe typical men’s clothing is so basic, he’s never experienced something like this. I like wearing yoga pants/leggings (I hate jeans) and t-shirts/spaghetti strap shirts. My bf also ensures we are always busy on weekends (which can overwhelm me) so I haven’t had much time to think about my clothes/buy new ones. We also went through some recent times unemployed/quite broke so buying good quality/more expensive clothes hasn’t been my #1 priority.
Anyway I feel pressured to buy a whole new wardrobe now and I feel hurt I have apparently been looking “cheap” and bad the 2 years we have dated.