I'm using a throwaway account for privacy reasons since my SIL follows my main account.
My husband 33M and I 28F have been married for 4 years and we have two kids. A 3 year old and 8 month old. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who stays with us on weekends. I love her and take care of her too because he doesn't even clean up after himself. Let alone do anything for one of the kids. I became a SAHM after our second child was born because my husband suggested it would be best for our family.
The last 2 months have been a lot. Whenever someone from our family or friends compliments me on something I did or asks how I’m managing everything. He throws in these comments. He’ll say things like "She’s got plenty of time to keep the house spotless"
On top of that he’s constantly complaining about how hard it is to be the sole provider. I really understand and try to make things as easy for him at home as possible. I make sure the house is clean, the kids are taken care of and dinner is ready. But I do everything at home too and I feel tired most days as well but I never complain this much. I work part-time as a tutor to still feel like I contribute financially a little and to have some spending money of my own.
Few days ago we were at his parents house and his sister asked how I’m handling things. Before I could answer he said "She’s doing great. She should be. She’s got nothing else to do all day"
I told him right there in front of his family that just because I don’t have a traditional job now doesn’t mean I do nothing. I mentioned how hurtful his comments have been lately and how unappreciated I feel. His mother immediately started lecturing me about how I shouldn’t talk to him like that especially in front of others.
I haven't apologized to him yet and I’m not sure how to approach him about this without it turning into another fight. I love him but I need him to understand how much his words are hurting me.
Edit: He wasn't like this when I had a full time job and shared financial responsibilities equally. I love my kids and I'd do anything for my family. But honestly I can't remember the last time I had a day to myself. There's always something that needs to be done. Whether it's at home or running errands. I'm also starting to consider blocking my MIL because she texts me everyday now to ask how we're doing and tell me how I should handle thing. It's frustrating because she should be talking to her son about this too. I wouldn't have snapped if he hadn't said that in front of them.