So I (21f) was talking to this guy (26m) for about 2-3 months. (We started talking on terms that we both wanted a relationship)
Within the first month we were actively talking everyday until one weekend he went MIA and I thought I was being ghosted to I freaked out and basically told him I’m “hurt that there was no initiative taken to ghost me” basically. He did come back and explained that he was busy and after everything was cleared he asked for some time. I waited about 3 weeks and deleted all of my chats because I felt as if the connection wasn’t going anywhere. He noticed and basically told me he’s going to start being honest and open but he isn’t emotionally ready for a relationship.(I honestly should have placed a boundary there)
We continue talking and the impression that he is giving me was very much “ I like you”. We talked about his past experiences and how that might affect his future relationships coming to the conclusion that he is very fearful avoidant in relationships due to his past.(understood) Our conversations were very consistent until I started to get worried because everything was going too well, I expressed that I was feeling uneasy and wanted to step back because I was catching major feelings. He basically tells me “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”. I agreed and started to look into why I was feeling like this. I’ve been doing a lot of work to explore and expand my knowledge about myself and how I operate in relationships.
As our communication started to dwindle I was a little worried so I expressed my concern and he acknowledged and kinda didn’t change. I ended up mentally taking a step back and realized I felt as if I was awaiting his approval and acceptance so I told him (I’m the most polite and direct way possible) that I recognize that I’m holding him to a standard that he even said he wasn’t ready for and it’s not fair to me that I’m asking for something he isn’t ready to provide
He hasn’t texted me since. Was I over thinking it or did I do the right thing?
2 comments
What’s to think? It wasn’t fun, it was complicated, and wasn’t worth the trouble.
You did the right thing. You got the response you needed, but not the one you wanted, so it’s hard to take.
This guy has made it clear he’s not going to be committed to you, though that is what you want. Its time to let this one go.