I will use my (21M) relationship with my dad (55M) as an example of what I mean;
So basically I have many emotions that could be considered irrational (I’m learning that most emotions have reasons but are still irrational, still trying to wrap my head around this one), and because of this I don’t feel as though my dad could possibly understand my experience and validate those emotions, because he’s a very logical guy and I guess you could say he’s not very emotionally aware, it’s not like he doesn’t care, it’s not that he isn’t capable, I think it’s just the way he was brought up, he was never taught how to be emotionally aware.
I believe this because as I’ve aged there were many occasions where I’ve been crying and he says I’m being overly sensitive, which is maybe true but as I learn more about what emotions are does it really matter if I’m being overly sensitive? The fact is that I’m crying, does it really matter why at that moment? Maybe after I’m done feeling sad I can reflect and think “maybe I was being immature/overly sensitive” and I can deal with that then.
Anyways so based on those examples, I believe that if I tried to confide in my dad he would invalidate my feelings and be unable to understand me.
I want to clarify that despite all this I know my dad loves me and is doing his best, I know he’s a good person, and throughout my life I have seen my father mature emotionally so I know he’s capable. But what do I do with this relationship? Do I just accept that I can’t be vulnerable with my dad? Or am I supposed to try and teach him more about emotions myself? How would I go about doing that? Should I wait for the next time he invalidates my emotions and then try to school him and say “um actually my feelings are valid, something can be irrational and still exist you know”, which hardly seems like a good idea bringing it up in the moment. Please provide any guidance or share your experiences.
TL;DR is that my dad is emotionally immature in some ways (even though he means well), do I just accept that he won’t be able to understand me? Or do I try to teach him what I’m learning?