I went yesterday to an appointment at a beauty salon.
I was in a very bad place mentally as I have an illness of having a blood clot in my heart and sometimes it can also indirectly affect me mentally via a inflammation or something.
Anyway, long story short, I started feeling sick on the bus in the way there, so by the time I arrived I was in a real disoriented kind of "zombie like" state. But I didn't want to miss the appointment as the have a $200 cancellation fee policy.
As soon as I went in there I could feel the stunning reception girls that work there judging me. Both because of my "vacant zombie" like state, and also because my saggy face and dodgy extentions makes me look like a 🤡.
Especially in comparison to their impossible beauty.
I tried to be friendly but it was just not received and I was just judged.
The beauty therapist herself was very kind and not judging me.
But then when I went to pay at reception I made more of a fool of myself because of feeling so much nerves at then staring at me and judging me. So I started paying the hundreds of dollars….. trying to count it awkwardly….. saying to one of the reception girls that you may want to recount that, counting and giving her smaller amounts at each time instead of the whole long, because I kept miscounting and just acting like a nervous 🤡.
I tried in my uncomfortable awkward way to say "It was nice meeting you/s"…..and that was met with silence by both receptionist girls.
Basically, I walked out of there, started crying, and felt like an absolute social failure as a human.
I guess my question is how do I deal with other women who judge me because they are more beautiful than me or because I seem like a "mental weirdo" due to my health conditions?
It just makes me wish to avoid social situations, but I want to become more confident in social situations.
(Experiences like this are also the reason why I have very few female friends. Because so many give side eye, judgment, are competitive based on outer appearance etc).