I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not looking for help with my own situation (current or past), so, no need for personally tailored advice. I’m really just hoping for men to chime in with their experiences and opinions on a phenomenon that I find a bit mystifying.
As we all have heard, the dating world is tough and it’s gotten far worse in the past several years (apps, etc). However, the behavior I’m wondering about has been around, by all accounts, for several decades at least, so I’m not sure it can be blamed on modern technology.
Here is how it starts:
Some women hold off from having sex for a relatively long time while dating a man, because they first want to be sure that he’s genuinely interested in them. I think most people have at least heard of this strategy, if not participated in it.
Why do people do this? I think there are a couple of possible reasons, but here’s the most salient one for purposes of this post: a woman hates the thought of being used for sex by a man who’s secretly not that into her and won’t want to keep seeing her after it happens. She figures that if the man she’s into is willing to hang out with her for X amount of time without sex happening, then he probably actually enjoys her company and likes her as a person.
She may also want a relationship, and think one is more likely to result from getting to know and like one another before having sex. But at the very least, even if the relationship doesn’t happen, the man who’s been spending time with her for months isn’t going to stop talking to her after they have a sexy encounter. Unless the sex was tremendously awkward, that wouldn’t make sense.
… Right.
So, given that reasoning, what’s up with the phenomenon where (some) men sometimes go along with weeks or months of no-sex dates and hangouts, only to disappear after they finally do have sex with the woman?
Is it about beating a challenge, sort of like a video game quest, and once you have sex you’ve accomplished the mission?
Is it maybe somewhat about taking revenge on her for making you wait?
Is it because you make a habit of pursuing all potential avenues for having sex as hard as you can, such that going on a bunch of dates with a woman isn’t actually as big a deal as it might seem to someone else?
Is it that you were actually on the same page as this woman in terms of wanting a relationship with each other, but then the sex turned out to be really bad?
Sort of a light question but I am curious. Your answers will not offend me, I’d just enjoy getting some insight on this. And doesn’t have to be about yourself, it’s just as good if you share things you’ve heard from other guys.
For context, I’ve seen multiple posts about this problem by different women on Reddit. The length of time spent waiting can vary a lot, could be a month or two, could be a year or more. Waiting for weeks/months seems to be more common. But I actually did read a post once in which a woman claimed she had dated a man for over a year before sleeping with him, to make sure he was serious; finally had sex with him; and he completely changed towards her afterwards, turning off his interest in her as though it were a water faucet.