My wife of 17 years (and 4 children) expressed that she needs me to use more words than physical touch in our relationship to express my love and appreciation. I have been working at that for a few months now, but, this morning, I held her by the hand and thanked her for all the work that she does, and how she makes our home so wonderful for our family, and having guests like we did last night. I gently ran my fingers over hers making sure she could pull away at any time, which she did not.
She asked me to let go and told me that was the kind of thing creepy guys do. I feel genuine in what I said and rejected for who I am. I can change the words I say and how I say them to try and meet her needs, but I can’t change my deeply rooted appreciation and attraction for her. It seems every time I put myself out there emotionally it makes her uncomfortable. Each rejection is getting harder and making me feel smaller and less confident in my words and actions towards her as well as in my job and other relationships. It would hurt me less just to be totally nonverbal, but I know that would hurt her deeply.
I married her forever in the sight of God and have no intent to leave, I need this to work, I need to change so I can be what she needs.