I have personally summed this up to teenage hormonal changes, but as far back as I can remember, I have hated nearly everything. It's like my natural default feelings towards anyone or nearly anything I come in contact with or even look at is hate.
It sounds miserable because it is, but I am trying to get over it. I know this feeling became more prevalent in highschool and became much more intense exiting high school. Thinking back on my school life, I usually kept to myself, was nice to everyone, got picked on here and there. Getting bullied never appeared to be the root of the hatred, I never cared or let it affect me.
My theory is that it is loneliness, and the delusion that I would meet someone who is even slightly similar in terms of interests or "vision". There are people who get it, and there are those who don't and there's no other possible way I could put it. The thing is, I feel like through out my life there wasn't any sign of anyone who gets it. Just the outside forcing me to "conform".
I feel like everywhere I look, everyone looks the same and everything follows a strict "normal" aesthetic. Even when visiting places that seem to garner the "abnormal" people, the creative, hippies, whatever it is, it never comes close to what my mind is telling me I want.
I do not feel depressed as I am still able to enjoy things I just have an immediate hatred for everything defaulted in my brain. It could be how the floor looks, a flower pot, a clothing hanger, anything.
Trying to expand what I like feels so forced and I have had the same set "likes" in my brain since forever as the vision just triggers it. But it is rare.
How do I even fix this or suppress the hatred so it doesn't interfere with my relationships or ability to enjoy life? Also sorry if this is the wrong sub, didn't know where to write this under.
Thank you.