M 31 F 31
together two and a half years, live together a year.
My partner bailed on a big music event (Glastonbury) a few weeks ago with three days notice. He dropped the seed about a month before that he was thinking about not going. I got angry because I wouldn’t have planned to go or spent that much money on organising if he wasn’t going.
It also takes a lot of prep which I always end up taking the burden of because he is not good at it/ forgets/ possible undiagnosed ADHD. This time the worry of having to down size the tent and what could go in my friends car vs carrying, I was left with less time than I’d have liked and got stressed. For context it’s a lot of stuff to carry for one person, I had shoulder issues and it was due to be 28 degrees that day. You end up walking with your stuff for about 45 minutes.
Fast forward after glasto, I’m glad we spent time apart and I still enjoyed it and he got some really good possible long term freelance work in.
Fast forward two weeks later, I feel like I’m in the same situation again.
It’s the night before a camping trip I booked back in April, I have had to rearrange twice for his sake due to taking on work. I’d originally booked this after a trip I’d went away with a friend to the phillipines. I thought he wouldn’t have the money or time this year to holiday so doing a camping trip, which he usually loves would be a good way to unwind and spend some quality time too. I spent loads of time researching so I’d have all the things he enjoyed and paid the deposit.
He arrives home from work sits on the sofa and says he wants to discuss something with me to get it off his chest but not to get heated. He tells me he’s upset he isn’t going to his old work colleague/ friends engagement party that we got invited to a week and a half ago. It escalates because I am so frustrated. I planned my whole week around this, cancelled two sets of plans, organised and packed all the camping stuff myself (when I asked him Sunday night he said it was too late and he was tired, I should have asked earlier), and done the food shop, brought even marshmallows to toast which he loves and excitedly showed him when he got home.
During the argument he points out he’s been out the house for 13 hours a day this week with work. How he doesn’t want to sleep on a blow up mattresss and he is tired. How it’s a problem he found out about the event a week and a half ago and when he told me he about it, he felt he couldn’t cancel or speak to me because I’d get annoyed and it’s a problem in our relationship as things boil up and explode.
I walk away frustrated and come to the bedroom half hour later and he is very unimpressed asking what to pack.
At this point I don’t even want to go. My shoulder has flared up from the stress (will make it hard for me to drive 3 hours) and now it’s tainted with this massive issue, I’m not excited, feel guilted and worry this will get thrown back in my face in a later argument. Which my partner has raised that’s not fair when he just wants to share his feelings with me?
What do I do?
TLDR; partner tries to cancel on plans again, should i just let him and then resent him?