Me (27m) and my girlfriend (26f) have been together about 5 years now. I love her and generally speaking, things are good. One thing has been getting to me recently however, foreplay.
I’ve always been more sexually adventurous than her, and I understand that some of my fantasies are beyond some peoples will, that’s something I can accept. What I find harder to accept is the growing lack of “normal” interaction in sex.
She never initiates sex, ever. At the start of the relationship she was a lot more nervous about things and I understood that she was a bit uncomfortable initiating, but we’ve been together so long that I don’t understand how she could be unsure how to start it. The most that she’ll ever do is “wanna have sex” but even then, it feels like she’s saying “let’s get it out the way”
I’m a very physical person, and I know that she isn’t as touchy as me, but now I’m starting to feel a little neglected. She never touches me anymore, no head, no hands, when I touch her she tells me she doesn’t want touched and just just get straight to fucking. It kinda makes me feel like she’s disgusted by me and it’s making me feel shit.
I’ve spoken to her about it, a lot, multiple times.. I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere with her. She tells me she’ll try but, never does anything differently. It’s hard to talk to her about it because she just gets upset and the conversation has to end because it feels like I’m berating her. I don’t know what to do from here.
I love her, but I can’t keep feeling sexually neglected like this. I don’t really know what I’m asking you guys here, has anyone had a similar situation and managed to fix things? Some kind of compromise? Anything? I don’t know, just tell me what you think.
Thanks
5 comments
you been to r/DeadBedrooms ? don’t stay in a relationship which is unsatisfying in a key way.
Move on and find someone who meets you where you are at.
If one person refuses to change or help or do anything but plod along in the direction that hurts you, you’re really only hurting yourself. I would also ask why you love someone that repeatedly hurts you. replace you with a loved one and if you would advise them to stay then you’re good but don’t lie to yourself about it.
well, she does not like it, either she does not like it with you or does not like it at all. Seems like she wants to get over with the chore, so she can do other things.
Does she like cuddling? massages, rub? touching at all? does she finish? for real?
it can be so many things, hard to tell from here.
Is she worried about getting pregnant (and not ready yet or wanting it), her job, where your relationship is going? I think when there is a lot on our minds, sex does sometimes tend to get categorized as another thing that has to be done to keep bf happy which doesn’t help things, ik, but being overwhelmed can sideline some wanting emotions. Also, instead of asking for it or making clear that you want sex, maybe try just making her feel sexy, without intention or expectation of anything else. See if she will initiate when she feels sexy instead of feeling obligated to satisfy a need. Idk, I’m not a therapist, but I have a little experience with this type of situation and hope it helps
If you all cant have an adult conversation about adult activities, then you shouldn’t be doing the adult activities.
Take it from someone who’s love language is physical touch. It’s highly important to us. It’s not a nicety in a relationship, it’s a must. If you all do not speak each other’s love language, it will only end badly.
It may be time to look inwardly to see if this is how you want your life to be.