The title is kinda a mess but i'll try to explain it in few words.
I'm 23F and my boyfriend is 21M, we've been together for a year and in this last 2 months we are kinda having a little less sex than usual (like once a week) and I admit it's kinda for my fault.
He is (/was(?) ) a very clingy person, he would constantly refer to me that he wanted sex. I love him with all my heart and I love this behavior of his too, but I don't know for what reason it doesn't turn me on and makes me refuse sex sometimes. He told me some months ago that me refusing sex this often makes him insecure and feel unwanted but I still couldn't get to accept it because of his clingyness, even tho I've never told him that out of fear of hurting him.
But he must have found out by himself, cause in these last 2 weeks he is a little bit more "indifferent" towards me. He hangs out with his friends at nights instead of watching a movie together, he doesn't answer immediately at my text, he doesn't reach out to me too often. And I don't know for what fucking reason this turns me on, I feel so bad about it but it's just how I feel. Some days ago he came back from a night with his friends and I was just craving for him, when we were in bed, he was watching a video or scrolling a social on the phone while I started caressing his chest and looking at him with fuck me eyes. No response.
So I started to bring my hand lower and lower and when I reached it he grabbed my hand and moved it away.
I felt really hurt by that and I've asked what was the problem.
He told me he didn't want to have sex.
I asked him if I did something to upset him and he said he doesn't want to have sex with me because I want to have it now that he is colder and more avoidant.
I asked for further explanation and he said that he sees my behavior as superficial and shallow and it's a big turn off for him.
I felt incredibly hurt and upset but let it go and went to sleep.
Yesterday I tried again and he rejected me again, I told him that I can give him a blowjob and he doesn't have to do nothing in return and he rejected that too.
I apologized to him for refusing sex some months ago, because now I understand how shitty and ugly it makes your loved one feel, but he didn't answer and then went to sleep.
I feel so hurt. I don't know what to do or what to think.