Hello, I’m in a bit of a conundrum and I would love some advice (thank you in advance).
My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago, and since that happened it feels like our relationship has changed.
I’m a 27 year old woman, he’s 23, and we’ve been together for 1.5 years.
Before we moved in together, we had minimal arguments—but now it seems like he feels like he can be mean to me since I’m locked into this lease. Usually, I am not an angry or unreasonable person. When he raises a concern, I hear it out and try to work to resolve the issue.
However, he is the opposite.
I’ll give you some examples.
He is 100% convinced that I do not help with any chores around the house. That is completely untrue. I work from home, so I am here all day. I wash the dishes almost every day, make the bed, clean up after him, etc.
He’s brought this up multiple times in an ungrateful way. It hurt my feelings, but I took the feedback and made an effort to do even more chores around our home.
P.S. he lived with his mom before we moved in together, and she did ALL the cooking and cleaning for him.
Yesterday, he left some clothes (that he had worn) on the floor, and later in the day I picked them up and put them in the dirty laundry bin. When he got home, he asked me where the clothes were. I told him I put them with the dirty laundry because he left then on the floor, and he raised at voice at me, saying “Why did you do that? I only wore those once.”
I tried to let it go, but I was upset about how he spoke to me—also because I have no idea what he wants lol. Does he want me to clean up or not?
After thinking for about an hour, I brought the issue up to him and he exploded on me, telling me that I shouldn’t have made a big deal out of such a little thing, and he said he wasn’t going to let me have the car today (which is petty of him, but I don’t really care about that). We share a car.
There have been multiple stories like this one recently. I feel like I can’t communicate with him without him getting really upset at me, even when all I’m trying to do is gain clarity and resolve an issue. He has called me “cold” whenever I am upset.
I also found Bumble on his phone last month with recent messages. Now, I was VERY upset about that, especially because he didn’t tell me why he had the app at first. The next day, he told me that he was using it to find me a female “friend” to do “fun” things with. (I’m bi.) and he did all this without telling me because it was supposed to be a “surprise.”
I had no idea what to think about that, but he has never shown any signs of infidelity beforehand, so I just decided to take his word for it… and we just moved in together, so what could I do?
Still, all these situations are in the back of my mind. When we’re not arguing, things are wonderful. We love each other a lot, have similar interests, etc.
I’m just really worried about the conflict resolution part, which I know will make or break our relationship in the future.
Thoughts? How can I save my relationship? Or should I end it and focus on myself for a while?
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TL;DR: My boyfriend and I don’t deal with conflict well. He gets mad and defensive when I communicate my feelings. We just moved in together. What can I do?