Hi all, mandatory mention, this is a throwaway acc. Apologies for formatting as I'm on phone, and English is not my first language.
I (37F) have been single for more than a decade and newly started dating a guy (33M), I got to know via a dating app. We connected about two weeks ago, and have gone for a couple of dates so far.
I find it very comfortable to talk with him and I like spending time with him. We chat everyday day and call almost every other day. Since the beginning, we did not venture into talking about anything sexual, let alone flirting. This is something I consciously do because I prefer to take it really slow. This gives me the opportunity to get to know the person minus the sexual "rush" which can usually blur your perception of a person and how they would be in a relationship.
Then sometime this week, while texting, he told me that he wanted to tell me something. When I saw this message, my internal alarms start blaring because most of the times when a guy that I'm getting to know, says these words,, it was often that he was still married, or not fully divorced or etc. You get the picture…
So, I prepped myself to have the chat that I will not be the other woman, and end it. Instead, he told me that he is still a virgin. I was truly surprised. Not good, not bad. Just surprised. At that time, I did not make it a big deal and told him it's alright, and thanks for letting me know. Or something to that effect. Because I know how it feels when you speak up about something that makes you feel vulnerable to another person. He said he was glad that he could tell me, and I left it at that. We carried on our conversations after like nothing happened after that, and it still has been that way.
I know I need to revisit that convo… but I am not sure how to broach the topic. Or mention that I'm not a virgin and have had more casual FWBs as opposed to a proper relationship. I'm concerned about this because I don't want this to seem intimidating to him, if/when I tell him about my past.
So some background info here:
I'm bi and I have been quite adventurous, which includes couples. I generally do not disclose this because I do not want this couples thing to get in the way of the relationship or be fetishized. Unfortunately, this has happened way too many times when I tried to date and I took the risk to tell that to the person I dated.
A key point to mention, we both come from a South Asian background. We both are living in a western country, so while it's not a big issue where we live, it is a big deal in our respective home countries.
Which brings me to my other reason why I'm apprehensive to talk to him about my past; there is a stereotype in our cultures that the moment the woman discloses about her past (even if it was only one long term relationship) to her new partner, it gets used against her. This is regardless of whether the guy is a virgin or not. Why? Because she has "bruised" his ego in the way that she is "experienced". Furthermore, she will either be considered impure for not waiting until marriage, she is considered sl**ty for having needs.
So Redditors, I need some advice for when I start talking about this to him.
1) Do I mention my past, and if so, to what extent?
2) Since he said he's a virgin, is there anything that I should be keeping in mind as to not make him uncomfortable or feel intimidated, when having the conversation or if/when we do the deed?
I genuinely like him, and I feel that this is my shot at having a relationship finally, and I don't want to mess this up.
Thanks in advance