This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Checking in – this past week has been a bit easier after I was able to fully close the door to my ex. Realizing how different our outlooks on relationships are has given me drive to move forward without holding onto “what if”.
I’ve learned that attachment styles are important to me, specifically that I do not work well with individuals who are Avoidant by nature. I’m not a fan of situations being solely a lesson learned, but I don’t think I can look back toward what I had as being any different either.
Part of it, I’m sure, is more to do with being at this age and still defining what I want from life… From a partner or otherwise. Where was any of this during school? The US education system is such a let down, honestly.
I’m putting my dating life on pause bc I want to leave my country. Feeling defeated and sad because I pigeonholed myself into a helping career that pays shit, and can’t find anything with a livable wage in another country that I’m qualified for! And I finally found community in the town I’ve lived in for three years where it feels like home. But the political unrest in my country scares me. So it feels very lose lose to me. Stay and have my quality of life suffer or leave and be paycheck to paycheck and not know anyone. I’m lonely and sad. Life feels so meaningless.
How do I manage the mood swings of a relationship? When things are great it’s easy, but if my partners in a bad mood or has a tough week how do I be less reactive to their mood and be the anchor they might need me to be when things are tough?
When she texts you she had a “delightful evening.” ♥️
Heart. Melted. Lmao.
Just finished my 4th re-read/listen of He’s Just Not That Into You and the chapter where they talk about setting standards really resonated with me. I liked the part where Greg said you already have an asshole, you don’t need another, and that under no circumstances should you waste precious time with anyone who has already rejected you. I know the book is meant to be comedic self-help but each time I read it I get new perspective, and I find a lot of it super relevant in today’s dating universe.
After getting some advice in a previous thread I decided to go for another date with the guy I’ve been unsure about. We had a talk and told him where I stand at the moment and he’s still interested in trying. He ended up having to cancel due to family stuff but we’ve been talking a lot more. It’s got me more excited about going on our next date this weekend.
Saw a handsome man on the train last night and totally choked at the last second on trying to strike up a conversation. Had the easiest in I’d ever get with a stranger in public, too – we were both carrying instrument cases – but I got too worried that he’d be weirded out or creeped out by me talking to him. How’d we all manage this back before the apps? 😬
Despite how soul destroying and misery inducing they are, there is a part of me that thinks giving apps another go is a good idea. After the last time 2 years ago I decided to never use them again but they’re the only thing I can use to at least meet people
We broke up a month and a half ago. I’m still not over him. Every date I have is compared to him, and none can stand against him. It sucks. I don’t know how to make this grief go away or make myself accept the situation.
Got another “you’re great, but” text yesterday, which was a bit shitty because we’d been texting for 3 weeks since our first date, as she’d been travelling. It included a seemingly sincere interest in establishing something platonic, but I told her I didn’t know if I’d be able to get over my curiosity of something more
Definitely getting the slow fade from a woman I went on three dates with and was really excited about. Saw her Friday, then she went on a girls weekend, and the texting energy has just done a full 180 – she still hasn’t confirmed a day she is free for a fourth date. So I’m going to check out of that one unless something significant happens. I still have some matches including some that sent me roses on Hinge that I’ll ask to dates now.
Advice needed though. I politely declined a casual hookup by basically admitting I was in the early stages with someone and wanted to see where it went. What’s a good message to…undo that?
Thinking about falling on my sword and asking a family friend to set me up with one of his single friends. He and I aren’t close (our parents are friends) but I know he has a ton of friends. I just re joined the apps for the first time after turning 30 and it’s been abysmal so I think I’ll have to call it quits on the apps and try people I know.
Question: as you keep dating someone, does the scheduling get more “loosey-goosey”? My boyfriend and I have agreed to meet Thursday evening, but haven’t decided when/where. Last time I was anxious about where we were going to have dinner, when I showed up he’d picked the restaurant, but I wish I’d known beforehand just to “prepare” (as silly as that sounds). And I assume that he still means for us to meet, but not having a time and place makes me antsy that it’s up in the air and maybe he’ll cancel last minute— he hasn’t yet/ever, but other men have, and I don’t know how to cope with that anxiety. One of my friends said that’s often part of the transition to a relationship, that you just assume you’ll see each other and figure things out more loosely, but I can’t take it as a sign of comfort and stability. Is it okay if I can’t?
I appreciate all the feedback on my post the other day. My new struggle is not ruminating. I feel like I haven’t made a decision on whether I want to cut the guy out of my life and it’s taking so much of my energy and headspace. I know I need to stop analyzing the situation but I’m struggling.
Matching with a lot of great people on Hinge. I just saw I have a message waiting asking me out on a date 🥰 only trouble is I got hit by a car on Saturday and I’ve got a broken leg. I’m on crutches for who knows how long :/ dating might have to wait until I’m back on my feet or at least able to drive myself places. Public transportation isn’t great in my area. What do you guys think — should my dating plans go on hold?
About 6 weeks ago, I [posted about](https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1d1tj4h/daily_sticky_thread_for_rants_raves_celebrations/l5yjb1p/) whether or not I should reach out to someone I went on one date with two years ago. Bumble told me I missed a potential match when I swiped left, but I thought maybe he just didn’t remember me. I decided not to reach out and just leave it be.
Welp, the universe put him in my Hinge stack just a day or two later. I decided it was a sign, and then we matched, we chatted, we went out…and now we’re exclusive, meeting each other’s friends, and making plans to have the best summer ever. Turns out he *was* genuine about not being ready in 2022, as he was a few months out of an LTR and ended up getting back together with his ex shortly after we went out. I was the one and only date he went on while they were broken up and he said he often thinks about what life would look like if he had made a different choice. (So yes, he did remember me and said he thought there was no way I’d want to see him again!)
It’s a bit of an odd situation but I’m really happy to have him in my life. He’s kind, genuine, thoughtful, and SO handsome. I have a lot of stuff going on and he’s been nothing but supportive and understanding.
I don’t know what the future holds but I’m excited to find out! ❤️
Just a few days ago I was expressing my worries here about my anguish from seeing meeting up with two online cosplay acquaintances in real life as possible opportunities even though I’m dealing with too much shit in my life to possibly make use of them.
Well, with the first girl, the one I kept missing at events for three years, I finally PMed her and had a nice chat that… went on for four hours somehow… and in the end, I will (likely) meet her this weekend. Though not with matching costumes. I also found out she is somewhat weird, *thirsty,*… 250% lesbian… and… still somehow has a boyfriend.
The thing is that fairly early on she made an odd comment about not really liking to wear her cosplays, so I asked what her motivation for crafting them is instead, thinking the reply will be something along the lines of realizing particularly challenging costumes. Instead she went on for a worrying amount of time in intricate detail about the types of Anime girls she *lusts* after, with that even bleeding outside of the PMs into the public thread as she followed up on my message there from last week that apparently she didn’t see. I… was a bit startled, to be honest, never before having seen this side of hers. If a guy were to talk like that… I now have to wonder whether that’s a successful way to deter creeps hitting on her, by just being more creepy, though I fear there would be enough guys out there turned on by this. In any case, she noticed that she had me weirded out and reined it it and we continued the conversation, with her eventually casually mentioning her boyfriend, which gave me more whiplash as I had already sorted her into being unabashedly lesbian, but well… I guess it’s more complicated.
In any case, both revelations were actually weirdly comforting. There is just no way an attractive girl I meet in real life will not be already taken. It’s an assumption that accompanied me since university and I have yet to be proven wrong, so confirming it once again like this took all the pressure out and I look forward to hanging out with her for a bit… if she doesn’t screw up again and just bolts through the convention in the late evening when I’m already gone…
Now I just need the confirmation that the other woman I can maybe meet next year has a boyfriend and then I’m good.
A bit of a scheduling conflict with one guy I’m trying to go on a first date with on Hinge. I almost just want to unmatch because we can’t seem to find a day to agree on to meet. We’re both busy and have our own lives which is great but meeting for the first time shouldn’t be this difficult.
What I thought was a great thing is not. For whatever reason they are not able or willing to prioritize me and this was proven to me yesterday. This person made me feel really safe and secure and I naively believed that. Done playing games and on to the next one.
I have been dating 2 people, about 5 dates with each. I want to be exclusive with one. That person was also doing the same, dating another person, but broke it off with them to be exclusive with me.
I really don’t want to break it off with the other person yet, she was really kind and I really enjoyed spending time with her. We didn’t talk about any deeper things and it felt like I was hanging out with a friend, not a romantic partner. It was missing physical touch, a hand on my neck while driving, little things that made me feel good.
Is sending a text appropriate given how new our relationship was?
Daily communication is feeling less nerve-wracking and more normal with him. I am not getting that anxiety spike when I see his name anticipating he is going to say he doesn’t want to talk anymore, he’s changed his mind about me, etc etc. It feels…easy? I am not used to this lol
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Had a low key bubble tea first date set up tonight and he asked to reschedule because of (insert a long, rambling, obscure reason here) and didn’t suggest a day or time for the reschedule. I’m not that bummed because I wasn’t sure how much of a match we’d be, but am trying to go out of my comfort zone. Oh well!
I am definitely feeling messed up in the head after that weird “contact” with Cheater McCheatface through the fucking NYT games app of all places last week. I’m back to wondering if he’s changed and ruminating on why he did this to me (and a bunch of other women), and why didn’t he pick me, etc. I KNOW this is not logical or healthy but things were finally feeling better and it was like picking a scab and re-opening a wound. WHY is he still with the woman he cheated on me with? He doesn’t deserve to be in a relationship while I pick up the pieces!!!!
Downloaded Feeld last night. I’ve really missed the physical intimacy of not being in a relationship. I have a high sex drive and it’s not being met and I’m kinda going mad! Haha. The FWB i had ended things because he was seeing someone.
I’ve never used this app before, though. I know it’s supposed to be good for casual hookups and a variety of other things, so I’m intrigued by it.
Anyway, I guess I’ll give it a try and see how it goes….
I honestly wish my sex drive wasn’t so high sometimes. It can be a burden at times like these! LOL
Feels like some order was restored into the universe. I texted the photographer to say I’m sorry and despite my shitty actions, I don’t think we should continue anything romantic, and I wanted to let him know before our plants tonight as it gives him a chance to decide if he wants to come over anyway or not, and I’ll understand both and be happy if he does want to meet. he said he’s happy to have me in his life in whatever capacity, but will reschedule our plants tonight, and will let me know when he’s free next. I think going back to being friends is way way better. I apologised a lot and said I feel awful for essentially being hot and cold like that. He said I shouldn’t feel bad for being honest, which I appreciated.
The tailor and I also managed to go back to being just friends with no issues, and he’s been texting me as normal, been getting music and random life stuff, I’ve been sending memes, and we’re also still on to visit my friend this weekend and go for a cycle. All is good!
On the ‘I’m about to have stream come out of my ears’ front with how frustrated I am right now – Feeld has been delivering beautifully. I’m supposed to meet a PhD chemist/exercise nerd on Thursday. We’ve been exchanging some spicy texts in the last 24 hours, and seem to get on super well. hopefully the very poor luck I had in the this department lately will end since it feels like we’re actually going to be super compatible. He’s stupidly hot, conversation has been superb, he’s funny, flirty, interesting. We’ve been sending anything from voice notes, to photos, to silly videos, to tastefully spicy videos. I’m looking forward to this. Also made it clear that it’s not a ‘done deal’ and we still have to actually like each other in real life, which he is a big proponent of as well. based on everything so far, and how joyful and excitable this person seem to be, I’m sure it won’t be an issue.
Been talking to a few more people, one other person seems really interesting and has been very respectful and super fun to talk to, we haven’t gotten into any sort of spicy territories yet, but did exchange thirsty gym photos and plenty of compliments because he’s also very attractive. I doubt our schedules will align soon from what he told me about his current life situation, but we’ll see.
It’s weird how the only conversations on feeld I actually want of progress are the ones that have nothing sexual about them, and they let me escalate it if I feel interested and after we’ve established a connection of sorts. Even on there it grosses me out if someone is too sexual too quickly.
I also love reading profiles on there. It’s fascinating.
I think what I need is a factory reset of sorts. Just stay on the casual fun side for a bit while I work on the massive life changes that are coming up in the next few months, and think about finding a relationship once I actually move and settle.
I don’t know if ENM dating is common on this sub, but I’m married and have a second date with someone new coming up in a couple weeks that I’m super excited by for once!
I finally feel like I’ve come across something that could be really great! I’m a man and have dated a few women, but I had no experience before my wife so it’s been a long journey. I’m definitely a slightly anxious attachment type, and in the past I think I’ve kept seeing people for that reason more than attraction. Which always falls apart eventually.
She’s married too and that’s a first in someone I’ve dated so it probably makes a big difference. Anyway I can’t wait and thought I’d gush here while trying not to get too wrapped up in something new 😀
I got a new shirt yesterday that I really like, and wore it on a first date that evening. The date was fine but not what either of us were looking for, oh well. But during our walk, a passing guy complimented my shirt, so I’ll be riding that high for a while!
I’ve been seriously thinking about “throwing in the towel” on trying to find a partner who aligns with my values, whom I am attracted to enough in order to have a physical relationship with, and who is someone I can growth with (and help each other grow).
I’m a 38 year old male – everything in my life is going swimmingly (career, friendships, health, etc), but the women that would fit the above criteria are just not interested in me enough for them to get to know me to see if a connection is there.
The “problem” is clear – I’m simply not physically attractive enough for the specific women that would be happy with – or there are just shinier options (so women pick those ones instead to get to know). and my standards are reasonable – health/fitness is a huge part of my life (I personal train part time), so I’d like a women who at least prioritizes that – It doesnt really matter her race/height/etc.
I’m just…to put it simply..an average looking guy that takes good care of himself. but I’m not objectively attractive – and that is not enough in today’s dating world, at least for the women I’m attracted too.
I get it, women no longer NEED men, and therefore can truly go after men they are truly attracted too.
It’s just frustrating. I’ve tried so much and I’m realizing that it’s just not going to happen, but I’m ready to accept it.
The positive thing is that the rest of my life is awesome, and I’ve been outlining exactly what I want to do, without the constraints of having a partner/etc.
I can travel when I want, where I want (I work remotely). Live where I want. do whatever hobbies I want. try new restaurants. Decide to do a random niche hobby just for fun. I don’t have to do the dishes right away, have the whole fridge to myself in my condo, and just in general have complete freedom. One recent thing I’ve falling in love with is traveling and exploring new countries/locations and meeting people – something I can do since I work remote and also since I have around 7 weeks of PTO a year and have a flexible high paying job. Recently went to krakow poland, next going to mexico city – try to check out a new location every 3-4 months if I can.
I also use FEELD to get physical intimacy and companionship when I need it, so that helps. I also do way way way better meeting women in foreigh locations as well (they seem way more attracted to me than american women).
I don’t know what the point of this post was, typing it out and putting it on a forum for some reason helps.
I think I’m just sick and tired of trying to “compete” with everyone else to attract a partner, like I’m on some viritual version of a dating show (dating app) where men are acting like dancing monkeys trying to vie for someone’s attention.
Now I can just live with with zero expectations to impress the opposite sex, zero.
there is something incredibly liberating about that, like my soul is set free.
This is so stupid, but I’m considering a first date/meet from an app at a theme park, and I’ve no idea what to wear?
I go here often, and my typical uniform for this time of year is leggings or biker shorts and a tee (for comfort, utility, and sun protection), plus a backpack and sunbrella.
But if I’m meeting for a date, and a first one at that… I’m not going to wear a dress. It’s hot as balls out and we’d be outside most of the day. I want to look cute, but also want to be comfortable (and have pockets). Is a backpack going to look ridiculous? Are leggings too casual?
I know there’s no real way to tell but for anyone that uses Bumble, what’s the longest you’ve had between right swipe and match?