I (31F) had a pretty bad breakup from my soon-to be ex husband (29M) in December (2023). We met in high school and were together for 13 years. A year into the relationship I became pregnant and had a beautiful little girl who is now 11. Unfortunately our whole relationship he cheated on me with many many women. Yes, call me dumb if you will for staying so long but, I had hoped he would change once we got out of high school and once he joined the military (no longer in since 2019) and of course even for our daughter.
Long story short, he never quit. Time and time again I would catch him and beg to know why and what it was I was doing wrong for him to continue this behavior. It ended up where my health declined in 2020 – 2022, I lost so much weight and was constantly sick. He was a narcissist and I considered him to be a sociopath, I ended up isolating myself from friends (the few that I had) and even became distant from family.
I eventually ended up making my own mistake, I emotionally cheated on him with one of his military friends (said friend had a slight idea of the person he was due to being with him in the military). We clicked so well and it was nice having someone to talk to (he lived in a different state so we never met up). Mind you before this happened there was many times I would sit my husband down and try to have a heart to heart and explain my feelings only for it to turn into him twisting it and making me the bad guy. I was never the nagging wife, I did laundry, housework, cooked and had a plate in hand whenever he would walk in from work. I tried to make his home life as easy and comfortable as I could, I would even let him sit and play video games hell would even play games with him and our sex life was great..
My husband ended up finding out and completely lost his shit over the situation and became very controlling, constantly going through my phone even when I wasn’t home (linked to an iPad) and had me turn on my location. He cried for a couple nights afterwards and acted like the world was ending.
At this point I was so emotionally numb and was so distant from him and angry that he was acting like this when he constantly seen how much it broke me when I would find out about him cheating but, he still continued the behavior anyways.
Our final days of being together was constant fighting. He ended up reconnecting with a girl he cheated on me with back in 2022. His last night in the house he left in the evening while me and my daughter was on the couch, I tried to keep her from hearing and seeing us fight throughout our relationship but he never cared to not do it in front of her. He told us we could sleep on the couch (she would sleep with me whenever he was gone) because he wasn’t sure what time he would be back from “female name” house. He never came back.
It’s been 7 months and I’m struggling to move on, crazy I know. I have my good days, but then I think about the actual good times we had and then I break. What can I do? I’m so angry and hurt, he’s already calling this girl his soon-to be wife… I have done so much for this man and I just feel like it meant nothing to him.
I don’t want to get back together because obviously things will never be the same, but I don’t think we can co-parent well either. My daughter wants nothing to do with him and she actually started doing better in school when he left and seems so much happier. Any advice when it comes to divorce as well would be appreciated.