I (35M) met my boyfriend (30M) a little over a year ago in an online space that caters specifically to a kink we both share. We’ve visited each other a few times now, and we plan to close our 1000-mile distance and move in together in a few months. While not perfect, I truly feel this guy is as close to everything I’ve ever wanted out of a relationship as could possibly be realistic to expect, and he’s told me he feels the same way.
The thing is that we’re both quite new to exploring our shared kink, with only a handful of experiences with other people beforehand. It’s something widely misunderstood that we both have had to work through feelings of shame about. On the visits we’ve had so far, frustratingly, we have not been able to have sex. It’s like there is a barrier that’s keeping both of us from letting go and embracing the sex we want to have over the lifetime of vanilla sex we’ve both essentially just tolerated up to this point. We’ve talked through this quite a bit, and it seems like at least part of the problem for us both is… we feel like we respect each other too much to do these things to each other that we have always internalized as being shameful. We want to work through this and become more comfortable with each other, but don’t really know where to start.
If anyone has advice or relevant experience to share, that would be amazing.