I’ve been with my husband for over 5+ years. He quit his job to help me pursue mine and I’ve been on an amazing trajectory. He’s been stagnant. It’s but 2+ years since this change and he’s still stagnant. He changed careers numerous times because he’s never found something he enjoys.
I don’t feel like we are in the same headspace, and recently, I realized I want to live my life. Don’t get me wrong, he is an amazing, caring individual. But How could I ask for more?
I want to spend my money on things I want but I can’t because he doesnt do that.
I pay all the bills, and I thought I was fine with being the breadwinner, but I want someone to take care of me. I want kids but feel like I just can’t because I’m the one that needs to keep my job. I want to travel, he doesn’t want to spend the money.
I can tell this hurts him that he can’t provide, but what can I do? I try to help him with his career but hes so to himself and doesn’t like me helping. I get frustrated because I work my ass off and I feel like he’s just there. I don’t tell him about my job and what goes on in fears of him being jealous or sad. I cant pay for stuff because I know he gets sad that he cant. I want to go out and dance, do crazy shit, and that’s not his vibe. Recently, I realized our sex life is just not it either. I’ve been trying so hard and nothing is working. I tell myself that sex has never been a big deal if it wasn’t mind blowing, but now? I’m so concerned. I don’t want to live this life of boringness forever, but don’t want to throw away this life because I’m just bored… what do I do?
5 comments
Couples therapy and also therapy for you and him separately.
To answer your question: If you do nothing to make it better, no, nothing will improve and you’ll continue to grow separately until the marriage is out grown.
No, eventually you will fall out of love or worse cheat. I think you should try couples counseling. It will help put the problems on the table and have a moderator there to help the both of you understand eachother more. It’s really the best option for you in my opinion.
How did him quitting his career help yours?
So, he gave up his career to help you with yours and now that he is uncertain what he wants to do and you’re all good, you want to drop him? Couples and individual therapy may be your option here. He needs a fire under his ass and you need to show some gratitude.
All I can do is sit and laugh at you OP. You’re in a dilemma of all your own making. You don’t respect your husband because he sacrificed his career for yours. Now you want him to be the traditional breadwinner while you do what? It sounds like your husband would be better off without you.