I (f20) was hanging out with my friend (m20). We were cuddling on his bed and talking about life. Our history together has been complicated. Long story short, I liked him and he didn't want a relationship. I thought sleeping with him would make him like me but I learned my lesson that I can't change anyone. if we were to label our relationship, it would be fwb. This arrangement hurts me very much. He makes me very happy so without him I don't have anything to live for. while we were laying there he started grabbing my butt, he got hard so he told me to stick it in and stay still. laying on his chest with him inside me, I started crying. He told me that it's gonna be ok , patting my head and comforting me. I told him that I was gonna get attached and he was gonna break my heart. After we finished we went to clean up separately. not sure if it was post nut clarity but i was confused. I was asking myself why and what am I doing here and wanted to leave immediately. I told him I needed some fresh air and went outside to calm myself down. A little later I came back in and told him I should leave. We hugged and I started crying again telling him that this situation is confusing me. Since the house had poor air conditioning, we stood with the door open while it was pouring rain outside. He held me while we felt the cool breeze on our skin. It felt straight out of a movie. Before I left I asked if I will see him again and he said next week or the week after. i need advice on what i should do moving forward
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