My wife and I (in our 60s, married over 25 years) are having a problem. I have a female friend (abbreviated FF,) also our age. We are old friends, going back to 1989, before I knew Wife. FF's husband was my best man at our wedding, FF was also part of our ceremony. She and her husband later divorced. We lost touch for awhile but when her ex-husband died recently, we reconnected. It's been great being back in touch, sharing our current lives and also remembering our experiences of the old days. My relationship with FF has always been on a friend level, never anything sexual. Wife likes her too, and we have done things together as a trio (FF is single.) The three of us have common interests.
The problem is that my wife doesn't think it's appropriate for me to get together with FF solo, just the two of us. She thinks it's not something married couples do, have relationships with opposite sex people. I'm not deliberately trying to exclude Wife when FF and I make plans. But sometimes she's not available when we are. Wife's calendar is busier than mine. It's awkward because we haven't told FF of this policy, and she must be scratching her head at why every time she and I get together, Wife's calendar has to be free. I feel like I have a chaperone. But it's ridiculous because there's absolutely nothing romantic happening. FF is like a sister. I love my wife and our marriage is otherwise solid.
Background info: Wife and I had a past episode a little like this one. I had another FF friendship that veered toward me deliberately excluding Wife when we did things. That friendship was also non-sexual but it didn't look good because of the way I snuck around. It was wrong, I apologized, learned from it, and cut all contact with that relationship. But now wife thinks I'll do it again.
I just want to be friends with my FF sister without a requirement of my wife always being there. When she is there, it's great and I don't want to exclude her. But I also want freedom to live my life as a trusted adult. I also want to tell FF what's going on, and about the history. My wife doesn't want to tell this story or explain anything inside our marriage. Is it wrong for me to have a female friend?