Hey everyone.
I posted here a while back and it helped me rethink some past situations. Now I need advice on my current situation: I have a terrible relationship with my SIL. She’s best friends with my fiancé's ex and hates that I’m "ruining her best friend’s life." (There was never any cheating or flirting while my fiancé was with his ex.) It got to the point where I had to contact a lawyer to get her to stop harassing and verbally abusing me.
After the cease and desist letter, she was quiet for a while. Last weekend, she sent me a box with gifts like drinks, food, and some makeup, plus an invitation to be one of her bridesmaids. She wrote a long letter asking if I would accept this honor as an apology for everything she did.
The problem is, I’m actually considering accepting to see if we can at least coexist without pointless fights. On Saturday night, I showed the invite to my fiancé and said I was thinking about it, and it led to a huge argument. My fiancé holds a big grudge against his sister and really doesn’t want to talk to her ever again. But I want our baby to grow up in a big, happy family, even if it means making some sacrifices. He said he wasn’t invited to be a groomsman and thinks it’s just an excuse for SIL to call me a bitch. He ended up saying he’s tired of my "naivety" because it always ends up hurting us since I assume the best of people. I went to my stepmom's after the fight and didn't know what to do. I came back home Sunday night after getting advice from my dad and stepmom.
I tried to ignore it and move on, but just the fact that she sent something caused a huge fight between my husband and me. I want to resolve this in the best way possible. I’m starting my second trimester and everything feels more difficult and exhausting.
My husband and I are both tired lately, and my pregnancy hasn’t been the easiest. We’re working extra, dealing with the stress of parenthood and marriage. I don’t want the fact that we want to handle things differently to cause problems between us. I really want to create a space where my baby can at least visit their grandma peacefully even if my SIL is there, but my husband is ready to cut off his mom if necessary. So, how can I handle this situation?
edit: Some people here have been calling me toxic and saying my fiance should leave me. I know I messed up, but I love him with all my heart. I’m going to apologize as soon as he gets home.
We’ve never fought like this before, and I didn’t realize I did something so bad. I never meant to hurt him or prioritize anyone over him. I just thought I could make things work because I never had a typical family, and I feel like I ruined what he had with his family by being with him.
Sorry to everyone who’s disgusted by me. If he wants to break up, I’ll leave without complaining. I feel a tightness in my chest and sick to my stomach thinking I hurt someone I love.