I want to start off by saying that I know that I am not perfect in this relationship and these are things that are really bothering me in my relationship. I am actively talking to a therapist who I can talk with, but I just wanted some other people's opinions.
We have been together for nearly 5 years now. We got together in 2019 just a few months before COVID shut everything down. Both of us were pretty much out of pretty toxic relationships and we basically found solace in each other. Things were really nice when we first started dating. As I look back on it, it really feels like we trauma bonded and should have taken things a lot slower (or really shouldn't have been dating anyone at all).
Fast forward nearly 5 years, we're married, have a 2 year old — and I have accumulated a whole litany of issues with our relationship. As it stands, it really feels like we're like friends, but I don't know if I have that romantic love for her in the same way because of all of these things. It feels like I am still in this relationship out of obligation, rather than out of love
- I am really not a fan of her parenting. It's really tiring trying to be as good of a parent as I try to be — interacting with our son and playing with toys and reading. She's more of a play for like 30 minutes and then distract him with movies for hours to get through the day. I hear her in the other room, "Hey, stop doing that." Not really teaching him right from wrong, but just getting frustrated. I know it's tiring being in her shoes, don't get me wrong. But I don't see a meaningful attempt to try to be as good of a parent as she wants to be. This is after many many conversations
- She is one of the most negative people I have ever met, which is really upsetting because I try to be positive generally speaking. It gets so tiring being around every single day. She complains about every single thing. It's really just… tiring. I call her after work and she's just mad about her day, doesn't very often ask about mine.
- I am quite passionate about my academic career, but my wife doesn't seem to be at all interested in the content of my studies. She sees higher education as get a degree, get a high paying job — that's it. I might talk about something really interesting I was reading about earlier that day, and she's just kinda on her phone and doesn't give me much of a response at all. This goes for many other things, including things I like to nerd out about. I just like having intellectual conversation, but it's not something that she is interested in. This is huge for me.
I do love her, and I do enjoy my time with her. But man… it just feels like we're going in opposite directions. I am not confident in our future together as a couple. We don't have common goals, it seems. I feel like I might have a better partner for me somewhere out there. But we are here and we are together with our child. I don't want to hold myself back from something I feel I am deserving of just because I am nervous of what she will do if I leave her. I just don't feel like my best self right now, and I feel like my relationship is really not benefitting me in the way that a marriage should be. I am trying to think about my own well-being and my own happiness. I just don't think it's here.
There is obviously much more that I can say here and I know that I am not even telling her story. I'm not even telling my full story. I just don't really know where to go from here. I have a few big life changes coming up in the next year and I have been really stressed out lately. I just feel like I am better poised to do these things when I only have myself and our son to think about. It's one added stress that is just weighing me down day by day. I feel like I am hitting my breaking point.