My wife (34) and I (34) have been together for 10 years and married for 6. When I first introduced her to my family, she was not accepted. My family had very harsh words for her due to me spending more and more time with her and less than the family. I.e., homewreaker, resting b*tch face, lady with mental issues. My wife has been mistreated and I didn't want to rock the boat and created distance between my family and her. Although that is the case, the same issues keep being brought up and the arguments are cyclical despite my apologies and efforts to fix things/create space. I am burnt out.
The reason I am writing this post is because although we have been in couples counselling for the past 4 months, there is not much progress being made to bring us closer. I have been contemplating leaving for the last year however am unable to because I feel bad considering she would be left high and dry (only I work because she has a health condition and cant). The light is gone from our marriage and from her. We have a dead bedroom and she pulls away from hugs as well.
I feel stuck because we both deserve better than being miserable together. We only get one life and although there is love there, I am not in love anymore and havent been for a couple of years. I am resentful because I receive no affection and due to her health and her barriers to work, we are having to navigate a HCOL on one income. We will never be able to buy a home or travel regularly. The ugly truth for me is that I feel like I offer a lot and get little in return.
We have spoken about the future here and there however I am unsure about children. I am very stressed because I don't want to bring children into a home filled with conflict but also know I need to make a decision soon because my wife says she doesn't have much time left for fertility. I dont want to deprive her of one of life's core experiences.
I need advice because I avoid conflict and have a tendency to run/let friendships fade away. Will my wife be better off without me? I just want to pay spousal support so she will be taken care of for the next 3 years and I will be free to live a life I want – alone. Should I leave?