I’m dating a guy the last month. He is great when we text, we have long conversations and I enjoy talking to him. He was very shy and I was the one who asked him out first. Anyway, first date was great, and during the second he kissed me. The kiss was bad, full of saliva and I didn’t like it. That was my first let’s say red flag. Third date and he was very stiff, we only exchanged two kisses that were awkward and he didn’t initiate anything. Like anything, not even touching my hand. I noticed that during our kisses he was a bit different, like blocked or something.
Since I had a lot of work, I didn’t text him that often, so after like 4 days I received a long text with him apologizing for his awkward behavior, asking me for a second chance. He is a great guy, very kind and considerate so I agreed on meeting him again.
Fourth date then, and things were worse. He touched me like “he had to”, his movements were forced and while he grabbed my hand , his was sweaty. It was obvious that he was under huge amounts of stress. When we parted he apologized for not being like I wanted him to be. He kissed me and again it was a very bad kiss.
I feel very sorry for him. He obviously has an issue, maybe social anxiety or autism. His behavior isn’t just shyness. He is 28 and only dated once as he told me. That experience even ended bad for him.
The thing is I don’t want to continue dating him. As much as I like him, I can’t be with him and not enjoying the physical aspect of the relationship. I want to tell him that we should stop, but I don’t know what excuse to give. Telling him to go see a therapist might be offensive for him, even if I think that it would be best for him. I have rejected in the past others because of no chemistry, but with him is different. I don’t want to say anything that will make him feel even worse about himself..
4 comments
So you are treating him different because you believe him to be on the spectrum? How is that fair to him?
Cut him lose, just be gentle about it.
Why don’t you try to help him when it comes to physical intimacy?
If he doesn’t get the experience or feedback, he won’t have the chance to improve. Otherwise, he’s just another autistic fellow screwed over when it comes to the dating scene.
As someone diagnosed with autism myself I’m not sure why it even has anything to do with this, he just doesn’t know how to kiss and be physically intimate… everyone learns how to do them at some point.
If he isn’t shy it isn’t social anxiety… it’s just “I don’t know what I’m doing and don’t want to screw up” kind of anxiety, which is understandable.
Tell him that you’ve enjoyed getting to know him but that the chemistry just isn’t there. You’ll be doing him a favor by letting him down easy, and you’ll be rejecting the lack of something between the two of you rather than rejecting HIM, if that makes sense. That should help him to go easy on himself.