I know that there a genuine women out there who care about me, I have one as a friend. I just can't find one in a romantic context. Should I expect less from relationships? Or is this an age thing (24, male)? Or is the problem that I met those women either in the club or through dating apps?
My situation: I was a quiet and reserved teen, spent too much time at home and only socialized with friends. It was difficult for me to talk to strangers, so I decided to change my life three years ago. Moved to a new town, started approaching strangers and started dating. Like most guys, I struggled a lot in the beginning. The first 10 women I dated instantly rejected me, often without even sending a message. Afterward, I had slowly learned to open up, to listen with care and to show my humour, so the women started to like spending time with me. I just wasn't initiative enough, so I always ended up in the friendzone with feelings which never ended good for my mental health. Then I started to initiate more which lead to a lot of awkward situations (the first two times I should have lost my virginity, I couldn't get one up, of course I was being ghosted afterward).
After dating 30-40 women, things started going somewhere. I ended up in a relationship that ended abruptly after six months because she didn't prioritise me and since I had developped feelings, I wanted to spend more time with her which pushed her away. She came back to me four months later, telling me she currently fucks some playboy but wanted me in the friendzone because her playboy wasn't able to satisfy her emotional and intellectual needs. I felt deeply humiliated and declined.
However, this sums up my experience in a nutshell. I feel like no person with whom I am involved romantically, really cares about me. When I tried to talk about things that mattered to me like my vulnerable sides, neither my ex nor my current fwb showed interest. Her not caring is actually the best result I ever had from talking about my feelings with romantic partners, very often this leads to me being ghosted. I feel like those women only cared about the feeling they had when I listened to them, when we spoke, when they were in my arms. I should be a stoic that provides these things but doesn't show any emotion. They didn't care about me.