This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Tawkify, the matchmaking company, just contacted me. I guess I put myself in the database somehow. It was an email with a short biography of their client.
We set up a phone call. She was kinda mean. Like, she thought that I would kiss up to her?! Maybe. Was I supposed to think that the client is wealthy?
I was unexpectedly asked for video chat. I was not ready for that. Hah.
Matchmaking services — my cursory research says at least $500 to place each date. Does that sound about right?
I (33F) have been dating someone (33M) I REALLY like for 3 months. Last month he told me that while he wants a LTR and kids one day, he never wants to get married again, because his divorce was so rough. At first I thought I could be fine with this. But the more I’ve thought about it and the more research I’ve done on the legal and financial protections marriage provides, especially in the case of children or medical emergencies etc, I just don’t think it’s a limit I can enforce on myself. I don’t want to be someone’s forever girlfriend and deal with all the additional complications or resentment I think that would eventually lead to.
Anyway. I gathered the courage to tell him all this last night, and he’s still processing/hasn’t gotten back to me yet. Im really proud of myself for actually speaking up and not just ignoring this for the sake of how much I like him. But this also sucks so much and I’m so sad. Trying to remain hopeful and tell myself I did the right thing.
Thoughts on never getting married again, especially if a family is the goal ?
Got my first match on Hinge and all he could come up with was a “hey wyd” at 1:48am…. No thank you! 🤣
Anyone free to give me a little pep talk? 🙂 I was unexpectedly dumped yesterday by my bf of 4 months, who I saw real potential with based on our connection, mutual care for and investment in one another.
He told me that he had been experiencing some doubts over the last couple of weeks and now realized he had been “confusing feelings of intimate friendship with romance,” in part because I have been treating him so well. 🫠
He acted romantically up until the day of the breakup, sending affectionate texts, buying me gifts, initiating sex etc. And when I tried to ask him why he continued to treat me this way if he only had platonic feelings- he clarified that he didn’t have just platonic feelings and actually “cared very deeply” for me. It is just… very bewildering and abrupt.
I have a significant history of abandonment and had been working hard with my therapist on trusting my sense that things were going well in this relationship … I don’t know how I’m going to ever get that sense of safety back the way the last couple of years have been going for my dating life.
Honestly I’m starting to realize that the “being friends first”/meeting in a neutral setting is not just a nice to have for me but might be actually necessary in order for me to feel comfortable/develop enough trust + affection to do anything else. Which makes me feel like I’m completely screwed in terms of dating because everyone I meet irl these days is taken, and I can’t seem to make anything work through any situation that’s romantic from the outset (i.e. dating apps, setups, any kind of blind date).
Currently in the global IT crisis. Sitting on the help desk phone. Reading a book.
Dating wise I broke and downloaded a calorie tracker, and good news my diet switch ups are on track for success. Just need to avoid buying chips for the kids (they aren’t for the kids). Planned on restarting the apps mid August after my vacation, but could delay longer I guess. I sense that my interest in dating is dwindling again, this time without being exhausted by the apps.
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I was reading a book that said single men may die up to 8 years younger than those who are partnered.
Guess who will die younger 😀
A TikTok video relieved all the anxiety I’ve been having about dating. If it’s one thing that platform does well, it’s sending gentle reminders like that.
Here after a stupid panicked post yesterday to say that I have a 5th date and don’t know why I questioned it. Feels like the start of something
How much do you weigh possible future incompatibility vs. current compatibility when deciding to continue a relationship?
I keep doubting myself on a “the right fit for me right now”, worrying that it won’t be the “the right fit for me in a year or two”, but then thinking that the “right now” is really all that’s important and not get ahead of myself.
I guess those two things might be more different for me than usual. At this point in my life, I have low capacity for a relationship following some big life changes, but I will be wanting that long-term commitment eventually.
Why does it seem like so many people say they are looking for long term but know they can’t actually commit to that? Is this just a guy thing and why are they not honest?
It got locked so looking for more perspectives in this: https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1e6dkze/comment/ldxlo6n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I am leaning about 60% toward canceling. I know “the spark” is kinda bullshit but zero excitement for someone seems ill-advised.
Also, my Bumble matches have cut to 900+; I wonder if I’ve left-swiped 350 already…
Had a first date yesterday and it went well, we’ve been texting for like 2/3 weeks already, we are going to plan a second date and it seems like we are clicking really well.
I had a first date before this one but I was honestly way more concerned about replying to the 1st girl so when she asked for a second date I had to reject it (as kindly as possible) since I don’t think it was fair to her to try and string her along just while trying to get to know both girls.
I honestly hate multi dating so I won’t do it, not really swiping right now, might be a dumb choice but I think I can handle it if things fall apart with the 1st girl.
Damn got dumped again at 6 months. Same reasons as before “I feel safe and comfortable around you etc etc, but I just didn’t feel anything else”
Taking this one a lot better but still sucks, back to the drawing board I suppose.
I think I date too slow and wait too long to really woo someone, maybe I should just do it from the get go.
I swear it’s aaaaaalways the one that you actually want that’s doesn’t want you 😂. It’s genuinely so peculiar how often this seems to happen.
Update [see previous](https://old.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1e2cfmf/daily_sticky_thread_for_rants_raves_celebrations/ld0qkee/)
Went on another date that L initiated, but her energy was off the entire time. I couldn’t tell if it was about the date or something unrelated. Brought it up once but got a dismissive answer, so I let it go. I tried scheduling another date after that, but was met with a “really busy with work, I’ll let you know” sort of reply so I guess that’s that!
I’m not feeling too down on myself but just tired of the loop. Tired enough that I’m giving serious consideration to casual dating, something I’ve never really gone for before.
There’s a dude on Hinge who I swear keeps making new profiles just to try and match with me… Is this a thing?! Or am I just thinking too highly of myself lol? He literally ‘likes’ my profile at least twice a month. Every time I swipe no on him and then a week or two later he’s right back in there. He’s got a very distinctive name and look so whenever I see a hinge notification of “____likes you!” I’m like “again?!” The weird thing is, I think he’s wearing me down. He’s actually fairly attractive, we just seem like very different people so I’ve never thought we would make a good match. But now after a year of seeing him over and over and over again I’m like… Maybe I should give it a shot?!
Alright yall, after a 3 week dating hiatus, I have a first date tomorrow evening. We’ve exchanged numbers and the way the guy phrases things puts me off a bit. I’m going to see how he speaks in person. Luckily the date is at the end of the day and near my home so if it’s bad, I don’t have to schlep too far and I’ll have already had a fulfilling social outing during the daytime.
I last saw him almost 3 weeks ago, before my holiday. We have had two holiday phone calls, and mostly, but not always, daily texts.
I’m a much bigger texter than this normally, but it’s ok, I’m learning to live with it. I think he is not a big texter. I’m about to start heading home, just as he goes off on his holiday for two weeks! We’ve made a plan to see each other the day after he is back, although I’d actually like him to stay over at mine the night before. I’ll ask him but he might decline – he will be back from holiday that day.
Anyways, all going calmly but well.
I wanted to read a book that he recommended, but I read the synopsis and I’m really not feeling it! Might ask for an alternative 😂
I see so many comments on here that go along the lines of how they’ve been with their partner for 3, 6, 10, etc. months and they just got broken up with and that there were zero signs and it stresses me out. At what point can anyone feel safe and comfortable in a relationship if there’s always that creeping thought of “when will they leave me?”? I’m in my first ever relationship and while he makes me feel so secure and wanted, I can’t help being stressed out about him leaving me at any moment.
This is a bit of a rant so forgive me in advance. I awoke this morning to a message from my younger brother. Him and my ex of 2.5 years that I broke up with in January were close the whole time that we were together. He often went to her for advice and confided in her while my father was sick and dying and our immediate family was falling apart. It broke his heart when she didn’t show up for the last family Christmas in our family home despite promising him that she would because of her anxiety (or so she claimed) and he distanced himself from her a bit but she assured him to always reach out if he needed anything once we were over. Anyways, he noticed he didn’t have her on social media anymore as of last night and asked if I still did as he wanted to ask her a question. I took a look as well and I couldn’t find her either. Had a coworker check and she’s still active and says that she’s in a relationship as of today, which means me and my brother are blocked.
I felt worse for my brother but for me it stung a little too and I don’t know why. Almost like an instant gut punch. It bugged me for most of the day and I had a hard time focusing at work. I sort of just allowed myself to feel whatever emotion and think whatever thought that hit me instead of fighting it or bottling it up. I know people will say good riddance or who cares, you’re broken up, get over it etc etc, but it still sorta stung. What’s helped a tiny bit is reminding myself how terrible of a partner she was for me. She was avoidant but was able to hide it for a while until she couldn’t anymore. There was no intimacy of any kind for over a year before we broke up and we just became roommates pretty much. But as my father was passing away, I was too busy to address it until things calmed a bit after he died and I realized I didn’t wanna be stuck somewhere I didn’t feel wanted for another second. Anyways, best of luck to both of em now. Hopefully there’s something decent that lays ahead for me in the future too
Told a guy I met recently I liked him and it’s just scared him away even more
I literally asked- if I share how I feel will you use this against me, and he said no
We know we can’t be together and decided to be friends and I just said exactly what I felt
But now I regret it because he has a situation he can’t leave and now I’m that girl hoping for something I know will never materialise
30F. I had a pretty traumatic divorce about 4 months ago. I stayed away from dating for a bit cause I really was not interested in anything casual or serious and just wanted to focus on my healing and daughter
The past month and a half I’ve gotten back into dating and I’m struggling on whats considered normal or not, especially as a single mom. I’m worried about being overly promiscuous during this dry spell. I get worried for my daughter as well considering when I’m talking to a guy and he’s asking if he can come over or not.
This guy currently I’ve been on a few dates with and it’s been going great. I don’t want to get too ahead of myself because I’m just debating on whether I should surprise him with lingerie or not cause I have this really sexy set that I haven’t ever worn. The plan is for him to come tonight while my babysitter will take my daughter out for the night. I feel like my mind is so disorganized on what proper expectations should be :/
33F here. Supposed to have a 2nd date tonight but don’t have it planned yet. He (36M) just texted asking what I think about pickleball and said he could bring a buddy but we would need a 4th. Am I wrong for not being into this as a second date idea? Our first date was a beach picnic with a couple of drinks and snacks. It was a couple of hours and very surface level. Was hoping the second date would be more one on one where we could chat and get to know each other better. Not sure how to respond since I’m not really into his idea. Am I being ridiculous and should I just go with the flow? Just seems like an odd choice for a second date but maybe I’m the problem.
I (30F) have been dating a guy (39M) for 2 months. He seemed great—very intentional with our time and loved quality time. He planned frequent, meaningful dates for us (dinner, dancing, sailing, hiking, picnics, walks in the park, art galleries) and he was also very big on PDA. The first red flag I think was when he told me he’d be traveling longer than initially planned and understood if I didn’t want to see him for the time being. I took it as a breakup, but then he said he wanted to continue seeing me and he really liked me but wanted to make sure we were on the same page about his travel plans since he’d be leaving in 2 weeks for a couple of months. In the meantime, we made the most of our time together (his idea), spending every possible moment together until he left for the airport. We agreed to continue seeing each other long-distance. But just 3 days into his trip, he “texted”me (and during my work hours too) saying he didn’t think it was healthy to continue. He said he enjoyed every moment with me and had no regrets, but thought it was best to call it quits and cherish the memories. I responded back “classy” like Thanks for your honesty, I respect your decision. Wishing you the best on your travels/future endeavors. – which may have been too much lol.
Like, what the heck…? How does someone go from spending every moment with you to nothing at all and I’m also trying to figure out if I was like love bombed or something.
While traveling through Thailand I met a really great guy from bumble (38m), we spent a few days together between Chiang Mai and Bangkok and I absolutely loved every second of it. I really like how I showed up while being with him, I felt the most authentic I had in a long time. He is funny, smart, damn cute, and such a chill sweetheart. Such a great person to talk to. First guy I’ve ever been with who was relatively big on pda compared to people I’ve been with in the past. We parted ways on July 1st (him in California, me in the Philippines) but have been keeping lightly in touch over social media. I’ve got a call scheduled with him and I’m super excited to talk to him again. I’m not too keen on an LDR (just got out of one in April and that went to shit) but I just want to get to know this guy better and spend more time with him. I did a lot of hoeing about for 2Q 2024 but I do feel we have a genuine connection. Hoping for some positive vibes from the internet.