Hey everyone!
Great news: I'm going to be a mom to a baby boy! I like the names Lestat and Beau, and my fiancé likes Théodore and Gustav. I have to admit, I'm really loving Théodore too.
I want to thank you all and clarify a few things. Thanks for the advice. Some of it hurt when I first posted, but all of it was helpful in some way.
First off, I'm not a spoiled and childish girl forcing my will on my husband. His sister has always had problems with me, not with him. So, I thought it was something I had to handle. But as you all said, she's his sister, and they need to deal with it or not.
And yes, I'm an extremely anxious person who's been in therapy for years. I suffered abuse from my mother; my only family growing up was my dad. When my dad finally returned to his hometown, and we could have a family beyond the two of us, I was SA'd by someone trusted by that family. I've been working on this for a long time, but many may not understand how much this has impacted my pregnancy and choices lately. It feels like the problem is me, that I don't deserve love and family, and I'm so scared my son will have a similar experience that I can't stop thinking about it. But as many of you said, my family now is me, my baby, and my husband. I also have my dad, stepmom, grandparents, little brother, BIL, and friends by my side.
So, the real update. The night I posted, I talked to my husband. He came home late from a shift and then went out drinking with his brother. I apologized for meddling in his relationship with his sister, for thinking I knew her better than he did, and for causing unnecessary conflict. I also apologized for putting the fantasy of a big happy family above his feelings.
I was shocked by his reaction because he cried, and he's usually very stoic. He apologized for saying he was tired of me and said it wasn't true at all, but it's hard to see the person you love most putting themselves in a position that hurts them just to please someone extremely narcissistic.
We apologized and spent the rest of the night talking. I asked if he needed a break from me because many of you said he should leave me, and he said that never crossed his mind, which was a huge relief. I had already imagined packing up to go to my parents' house.
We decided to politely decline the invitation, but my fiancé took a day off to handle the situation with his family. I didn't go because it's too stressful, and I'm still in the early stages of pregnancy with 5-6 months to go.
So, what came out of the family talk? My MIL was the one behind the invitation. She told my fiancé that she wouldn't attend the wedding or pay for it if the whole family wasn't there and that SIL should face the consequences of her actions. SIL could afford the wedding herself, but it would be a huge hit to her savings because it's going to be exorbitantly expensive. And having their mom not show up would be bad because SIL is a VP at her parents' company and many big contracts will be at the wedding. She needs to keep up appearances.
So, SIL thought inviting me as a bridesmaid and writing a heartfelt note would soften me up. And yes, my fiancé’s ex would be her maid of honor, and my fiancé wasn't asked to be a groomsman because the ex didn't want to see him with me. He would have been invited as a regular guest.
So, MIL is no longer paying for the wedding, but she will attend. My fiancé, BIL and his fiancée, and I will not go to the wedding.
Now I'm getting messages from unknown numbers calling me petty because SIL was going to honor me at her wedding, and I ruined her dream wedding. It's funny because it's a 36-year-old woman fighting with me because she wanted my fiancé to marry her best friend. She can't get over a divorce that's not even hers—good luck to her fiancé. I think I've realized she'll never directly attack her brother because of their mom, so she hurts me to get to him.
Some other things have come up, and we're going to try to distance ourselves more from her, especially with the baby on the way, because BIL said she has fertility issues and had a mental breakdown when she found out we were expecting. He said SIL seems to be jealous that we got pregnant so soon into our relationship. She had dreams of giving the first grandchild to the family since she's the oldest. Who knew a surprise baby could cause so much chaos?
Thanks to everyone for listening and sharing your experiences. See you!