I think I mentally screwed my libido up and I can’t figure out what to do at this point. It’s going on four years and it’s affecting my life. Im at a healthy weight, eat right, exercise, blood work is fine, not on any medication that caused issues in the past, hardly drink, use tobacco and weed moderately. I had a bad break up in 2017 and swore I’d never be in a relationship again, happy to be single and mingle with no issues for years.
Then my best friend came into my life about five years ago, we became fwb, didn’t have feelings for each other and then one day my sex drive just stopped entirely. I always tried to keep it professional and without feelings so she didn’t end up with a broken heart so I think by doing that I’ve killed my sex drive entirely by being anxious about her feelings even though we’ve been open books with each other.
It’s been four years, my best friend is now my fiancé and our sex life is at a stand still because I have zero drive, towards her, towards any female, if I do get it up it’s not as firm as it used to be and I last two seconds. And then I’ll have a week or two here and there where it’s like it never went away. But there is zero want like I used to, I feel like a cat you could dangle a toy in front of and they go “yeah okay that’s nice”.
I have noticed that I’ve forgotten(?) how to be myself with her like I used to be in relationships. I really think I cock blocked myself mentally and telling myself I’m not broken and allowed to be vulnerable and this is what I want isn’t helping, neither is the “10 things to do” lists cause I’ve tried everything.
Doctor said it’s not ED, therapist thinks it could be a mental block, even seen a nutrient it’s to make sure I was getting enough calories and I’ve also tried supplements which I think worked like a placebo for a week or two. I’m open to any stories, suggestions, questions because at this point I’m at a loss. I really feel like there’s a mind to body connection that’s been severed somewhere.
Thanks in advance!