We have been together for two and a half years and he is my first love and life felt like a dream initially. Then when we moved in together it was hard to adjust, but I know thats normal. He has OCD over his belongings being in pristine condition and I have potential ADHD so it causes some clashes. But Ive always tried to make it work and gone above and beyond to eliminate any problems. We have also had problems with his ex and him being in contact. She was very controlling and manipulative and for the first few months I was understanding why he would give into her harassment ment and things. But after begging him over a year later to cut ties completely, I have discovered recently he has still contacted her. It was because the cat they had together became unwell and something else to do with tenancy. But its the fact he hid it from me. It makes me wonder what else he is hiding. I also found texts on his phone with a different ex; they were catching up after bumping into each other her in work but they were of a flirty nature and Id say inappropriate. He also never told me about her. This has caused some resentment on my side, even though we have moved past it. But recently his constant meltdowns and moods due to his OCD means he is always annoyed at me or something and we dont have as much closeness and fun together. The cherry on top is that I have tried to talk to him about these issues and his issues and he is impossible to communicate with. He totally shuts down, doesnt say a word or gets defensive and annoyed. Leaving me upset and frustrated again.
So Im left with all of this pent up anger and no way to try and mutually resolve it.
Tonight I asked if I could see his contacts list to make sure his ex wasnt there and he instantly told me that ‘i pick my times’ and he ‘hates that’ and ‘shouldnt have to’ and ‘hes stayed up an extra hour just to have time together and now Ive gone and turned it around’.
I got up shouted ‘f off’ and slammed a door. I have NEVER lost my cool like that before in my life ever. I instantly apologised because that is never justified. Yet I am still here feeling full of resentment and confusion and frustration and have no idea what to do about it.
Any advice would be so greatly appreciated, Im a mess rn haha