This is the place to put any shower thoughts, your complaints/rants about dating, ask for quick advice, serious and (sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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He left for Italy yesterday around 530p, but because of the CrowdStrike… whatever it was… it has been a complete nightmare for him. He just got to his hometown to spend the night and tomorrow with his parents about two hours ago (630p my time / 1230a his time), and then has to be back in Rome for work at 9a Monday. He’ll be back on Friday, and hopefully the airlines will have recovered and cleared the backlog by then.
I miss him so much, and at the same time am so happy to see how well he has handled an unusually challenging set of circumstances and been super communicative the whole time.
When he was finally on the train from Rome to his hometown, he said (completely unprompted), “I promise you, amore, when we come [to his parents’ home in Italy], it won’t take nearly this long – we will make the arrangements for a much easier travel!” I of course reassured him that even if it does take this long, I won’t care because I’ll be with him, and that’s all that matters 🥹
I’m not nearly as much of a wreck as I was when he had to go in early June, probably because that trip was a little over three weeks long. But it still sucks to not see him for a whole week, even though the truth is that it’s good timing since I need to study more than I have ever studied in my life this week.
And on the bright side, even though it physically hurts to miss someone this much, it still feels pretty damn good to be told how much he misses me 🥹🥰❤️ Being missed by someone as much as you miss them is one of life’s most beautiful pains.
Yesterday I mentioned that my ex (that I broke up with in December) texted me this week and we had been chatting. We were long distance (he lives in Copenhagen), so I asked him if he would be in Florida anytime soon (because we haven’t seen each other since we broke up) and he apologized and said that he believes it’s too soon to see each other and that he’s actually seeing someone new and doesn’t think it would be fair to me or her but that we could see each other in the future and hopes I understand.
I have been pretty upset since receiving that message and I’m usually a really chipper person, so that’s saying something for me. When it comes to this guy, I am always more emotional. Love him with all my heart and we were so happy. We broke up due to our age difference (25 years) and it’s devastating because there’s nothing we can do to change the reality of it. Knowing he’s seeing someone makes the breakup feel more real.
I think given how deeply we care for each other, getting together in person would likely take us back some steps and I can understand not wanting to do that, especially for him since he’s making an effort to move on. I can’t help but feel heartbroken that we don’t even get to see each other until some date in the near future. Most breakups and post breakup conversations happen in person and we didn’t get to do any of that.
I told him I understand and wish him the best, but there was a lot more that I really wanted to say.. I held it all in, because he’s seeing someone new and I don’t want to complicate that for him. Is this selfish of me to feel this way or understandable?
He was in my dreams last night. It was so nice to feel giddy and so happy again. Feeling his warmth (even in my dreams) just felt so nice. It was so disappointing when I woke up and remembered the dream and realized it wasn’t real.
The good news is, I was so busy working on future life changes that’ll be happening soon-ish (🤞🏻) that it didn’t plague my mind all day. Did I still think about him? Yes, a lot. But I wasn’t thinking about the post-dream letdown and I think that’s a win.
Speedating event was a miss for me, as usual.
I’ve a date on Monday that i think i’ll bomb as well.
I’m not trying to be woe-is-me, but i just want to succeed in finding someone that gets me – and i- them but i don’t think it’s going to happen in this life.
Been haunted by my ex situationship (roughly a year) when i saw on IG that she already got engaged. Less than a year after we stopped seeing each other.…
Went from i don’t really know what i want in a relationship to engagement real quick
I genuinely love reading the updates on these threads.
Empathy with the rants and raves about how shitty dating can be. Joy in the success that people have be able to achieve in their relationships and out of themselves.
Wish i had something happier to update than the usual depressing – it didn’t work out this time’s
another beautiful summer night. another weekend alone
Y’all, this month has been a major miss for me. A couple weekends ago, I had two dates cancel at the last minute. This week I had a second date, it went well, he wanted to set up the next one. Then his text responses just kind of fell off. I told him today I was looking forward to seeing him again and no response.
Idk what I’m doing wrong.
Texts Too Much likes to cook and he mentioned he also likes to clean.
I told him I didn’t believe that, but it was a nice line and he said he would send me a picture of his clean kitchen right now.
I think he’s trying to seduce me y’all.
Who knew it’s not the dick pictures you have to watch out for, but the men trying to send you pictures of their clean kitchens at night.
Question for DOT, especially parents, what is your hours/week threshold for seeing your partner that feels sufficient? What would be too little? What would make you say “this isn’t gonna work”? Assuming you live close to each other (less than 30 mins) and work normal 9-5 M-F jobs.
Please count waking hours only.
Tomorrow is the one week anniversary of my best friend’s wedding. It was also the day the woman I dated for 6 months ended things. I hate that the day has such contrasting meanings for me. The wedding was great and I’m happy for my friend but I’m so sad still with no relief in sight. I wish she could’ve just waited one more day to break up with me. I can’t believe she went from laying on me while I nap to dumping me 2 days later. I hate these new weekend nights without her.
I just had an absolutely amazing night with an absolutely amazing woman and my head is still spinning from it. I took her out to a nice restaurant for dinner then out to a country estate for the night where we had wine in a spa bath, sat by a fire, cuddled and slept in a soft super king bed and had a delicious breakfast cooked for us the next morning. Yes the words “I love you” came to the front of my mind several times but I told myself now is not the right time.
Last night this guy i am very interested in seemed so interested in me as well. Now today he seems like he doesn’t want to talk to me. Very dry with texts. Never asked me any questions. I don’t know how to navigate this. He is 51 and I am 30. I can share the convo we had last night. He was dropping some hints to get sexual but I was swerving past them because I thought it was too early. I guess I ran him off 🙁 is he playing hot and cold with me? Do 50 year old men even do that?
Tall women – how do you handle dating a man much shorter than you? I’m 5’8” and he is 5’3”. The guys who were my height had a hard enough time with that with the comments they made, not sure if 5” is going to be even more of an issue. Of course he says he doesn’t care but they always do and always obsess over it
This is kind of dating related as it sometimes (though not always) pertains to women I have an interest in. I run a social group and it’s a closed off group that occasionally I bring in new people to join us. Obviously, I have met many women through the group and sometimes they will bring a friend who then becomes a regular person weekly.
Every so often I will get to know a woman, connect a bit, get her social media, etc. I’ll be interested and test the waters to see if there could be some interest. Almost every time there is not – either its just apparent from lack of conversation or they’ll politely decline a request to get together outside of the group.
This is fine, I mean it hurts to get rejected for sure, but it happens. The issue is I have noticed that a lot of these people then try to use me for other means and I think it is because I am a bit of a people pleaser. I like to help people, I like to make others happy, but I’m slowly starting to realize due to the sheer number of requests that I am doing all the giving and getting nothing in return. “Can I bring my friend next time” “Can you do this for me” “Can we do this thing I want to do”
Again, this doesn’t even apply to just romantic situations – even amongst friends this happens. A few people live near me and literally NEVER offer me a ride. The two times they have I have had to ask. It’s so different from how I grew up where people would go out of their way to help others even it it was a little inconvenient for them.
I guess I just need to set boundaries with these people and tell them that we are doing what I planned for us to do and no you can’t bring a friend. We are already full. IDK just something I’ve been thinking about the last few days.
Rant..ish just to get it off my chest. I don’t think we can go back to being friends no matter how much time has passed, or however many marriages you keep running into. The sheer fact of the matter is I can’t just turn my feelings off for you, and I don’t know how you ever could turn yours off or if you ever had any to begin with. You treat me like your best friend, seek my advice for every critical point in your life, and claim I was the best you had and how I care about you has always made you feel good about yourself and that my absence hurts. But I can’t keep playing second fiddle in your orchestra. It is not my fault that you choose who you choose. But god is it hard to cut off your own limb when you know it’s just poisoning you. But i need to do it so I can be available for the one who won’t be poison to my system.
Situation: I’ve been to a bar a couple of times and it’s probably my new favourite. The waitresses know my friends are regulars.
Now, one of them told me to come back on Monday so we both have more time to talk to each other, meaning the waitresses and I.
There is one waitress I’d like to ask out (a different one) in particular as, according to me and others, it kind of seems like we hit it off. We’re in Europe so there are no tips and forced friendliness involved.
The first time I was there we chatted a bit and she told me the town she’s from and where she was going on vacation. That town is about 85 km from where I live and a smaller town. My friend told me she was smiling at me and winking at me.
The second and last time another friend noticed I was kind of hitting on her. He needed to order and they wouldn’t notice him so I helped him out. She told me where she’s from and that she speaks six languages and again, we were smiling at each other.
I’ve never done this but how do I ask her out without it being awkward or so? I’m going back because I’m with the friend who was there the first time and we both like the place.
I’m taking a positive approach to being single and viewing each day as time to improve myself so I’ll have more to bring to my next relationship.
I also started writing out a list of qualities I want in a future partner – general stuff like “can trust each other’s judgment.”
I used to care about shared interests and stuff like that, but now I care more about long term compatibility. Interests can change, and I want a deeper kind of connection, one based on shared values.
One thing I miss about being involved with religion is that it could, at times, make it easier to meet someone you’d have that kind of connection with. But I’m also really glad not to be involved with it anymore – for a lot of other reasons.
I might try to find a community for ex-religious people. That could be a good thing to connect with people over. Maybe I’d meet someone there.
Also, a friend of mine passed away this week. He had been sick for a long time. He was kind of like a father figure to me – super supportive, someone I could talk to about anything. He was much older and married. There was no romantic connection. Just a good friendship. I miss him. I keep having imaginary conversations with him and feeling like I’m talking to his ghost, but then I laugh about how he would hate that because he was a life-long atheist, a math/science nerd, and didn’t believe in anything supernatural. The idea that he could have any kind of existence after death would be such a joke to him.
Was feeling good vibes earlier this week, and went out with a friend. I was just talking, chat, and dancing. I was hard rejected by a girl that I was chatting up. And respect it.
Later that night, I saw another girl that had gave me the eye. I asked her to dance, and chatted up her friends. Found out she was going to leave. But, still got her number. Texted, and wished her a good night, and mentioned it would be nice to see her.
Stars aligned, and we connected. You never know when or how a connection really starts. Very happy about it.
The other day. Was chatting up another girl. And just realized the vibe wasn’t there, so I just entertained the conversation, and let it close. She was quite attractive by all things considered, not just physically and mentally, but the chemistry just wasn’t there. Was just polite, and said good bye.
I met the friends of the person I’m seeing.
The friends were so open and lovely. it’s such a stark difference from my ex who never introduced me to their friends
Vent: I hate having no plans over the weekend while single. I just don’t know what to do with myself. I have solo hobbies but nothing that takes up a whole day, and I find the isolation really gets to me. Occasionally I can motivate myself to go to events solo, but I really have to hype myself up to do so and if I’m tired from a long week it’s simply not happening.
I have a social life, but lately social events have been taking place more on weekdays rather than the weekends, and my closest friends have been more busy. Probably one out of every two weekends now I have few if any plans.
Ladies, am I still expected to message first in this scenario?
Send a Like on Hinge including a quick text comment. She matches but then doesn’t respond. My comment was a statement, not a question.
Welp, I’m very glad I treated myself to a nice dinner yesterday as a birthdat gift to mmyself: everyone I invited to my birthday party canceled last minute 😭.
I cried for a bit, then got myself some good Vietnamese food, got high, and watched a comforting show. Now I’m off to bed. Maybe I’ll sleep in
Just a little rant,
Friends were talking about relationships today while eating lunch, and they said I should use OLD to meet more people instead of sticking to in person. They also cautioned me against getting too comfortable being alone cause I may dismiss potential partners just cause I’m enjoying my relaxing single life. Also they called me handsome and basically said I’m everything a women looking for a ltr would want, which was the perfect confidence boost tbh. Will ride that high for the next 10 years I think.
It’s funny cause I was thinking similarly recently, that I need to put myself out there more before I finally get around to bird watching, I found a bird watching app to help identify birds by sound and was considering going to a bird sanctuary before I snapped out of it lol… May still go tbh.
On another note, I left my number on a note for this girl I enjoyed talking to, she laughed a lot while we spoke, so I think it was mutual. I would have asked in person, but she was in the bathroom and I was heading out the door when I realized I wouldn’t see her for 3 weeks after today.
I’m trying to figure out how to tactfully say goodbye to someone who seemed to be so so into me, but refused to share their photo even more than a week as we started talking. Communication style was on par, matched energies yet .. wants to be in the moment and not thinking about any potential future (apparently sharing a pic is that)
So I just let it fizzle or say we clearly want different things and I wanted something real, not an anonymous pen pal. Or how can I be sassier lol (as if parting words can then convince him I was worth the effort)
What is the deal with Bumble v. hinge?
I joined hinge yesterday and i haven’t counted but probably have gotten around 40 likes since then. I joined bumble and have gotten more than 300 likes. The men on bumble are…. not great (neither are the men on hinge), but why in the world would there be such a discrepancy?
ugh ugh terrible second date tonight. We went to see a Kurosawa movie, which I did end up enjoying. I got the popcorn and soda, and told him he could get whatever he wanted to drink, and he said he didn’t really like soda but he got the exact same one as me. (???) Well apparently he doesn’t drink caffeine and was jittery the entire time to the point of distraction, and made it worse by clearly being embarrassed and self conscious. From a single small diet soda. And it’s like, my guy. You didn’t have to do this to yourself if you knew you can’t fuck with caffeine. And I know he was embarrassed about it but I’m frustrated at how preventable the whole situation was, it was a turnoff.
I’m struggling a lot with being single lately. It’s interesting, I don’t feel ‘lonely’ at all due to my social and work life being so packed… if anything I’m looking for more days alone to recharge! But I’m so tired of fending for myself all… the… time. and I’m used to doing things solo and taking care of myself. I just flew across the world to do a solo trip a few months ago and it was great! but sometimes it’s like…damn I wish so badly I could just truly, truly rely on someone who I know is putting me first.
For example, I’m about to go on a super adventurous trip that’s pretty out of my comfort zone… with a bunch of couples and a few people I don’t know. I’m really excited for it in general but I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. My friends are helping me figure stuff out but it’s so different than knowing you have a partner to lean on and take care of you on a trip like this. It’s different knowing there’s someone on the trip (and in life) who puts your safety first.
Just stuff like that. I’ve also just been doing absolutely terribly on the apps lately. and despite me REALLY putting myself out there socially the past year, I’ve met absolutely zero single men who are also emotionally available.
I reallyyyyyyy hate complaining about being single, so here is a quick vent and I’ll hopefully get over it soon…
I’m meeting some of my guy’s friends tomorrow for the first time!
I generally do well with meeting new people, so not worried about that. Only somewhat nervous because I really like him and hope I like his friends! We’re doing something active so at least there will be something to talk about.
Wish me luck!!
A friend that pursued me for years finally got my attention just long enough to hit me with ‘I’m not looking for anything serious and I can’t promise you that.’ Feels bad man. We’re too old for this.
In my mid thirties I never would have thought it would be so difficult to find anyone compatible. Then I took my shot and approached someone new and I think I found someone worth getting to know. I canceled the other upcoming date I had because why ‘entertain’ someone else and potentially hurt feelings when I wasn’t expecting to meet this person.. I feel like an asshole, but it doesn’t change my decision.
Yesterday I spent a wonderful unexpected afternoon with a new acquaintance. We chatted about all sorts, also about relationships. Deciding to take this summer off from the apps and to focus on my health really is the best idea I’ve had for a while. I met a guy at a car show yesterday, we had a great chat. I took a picture of his car in the show and he’s in the background smiling directly at me. I’ll be back when i’m ready. This will be the best 6 weeks ever!
My(31f) boyfriend (36m) of 5months goes out of town for weeks every month without me. How do I talk to him that it bothers me?
Me and my boyfriend have been dating each other for five months and in these five months, he has already gone to his hometown at least 6 times sometimes for a week and sometimes for 2 weeks where he has his own place close to his family. He says he doesn’t really like to be in the city and going back helps him feel more at ease so he constantly feels he needs to reset. I have expressed that that makes me feel lack of partnership, I don’t like to be left alone for weeks and where we just talk on the phone everyday especially in such early stages of our relationship. I feel like if he pines being alone so much why is he even trying to have a relationship. To that he just says that you should come here too knowing that I cannot leave because of my work.
I don’t know how to talk to him about this now. He gets defensive saying all these things. He says he likes to go visit his family every few weeks. Sometimes he says i should be supportive knowing that it’s good for his mental health and he needs this time to focus on himself every few weeks.
He doesn’t understand that I want to be with him more and him not wanting the same bothers me. When he comes back I feel like we’re strangers. I also hate talking over the phone long distance, I don’t know why we’re telling each other about our day and trying to connect like this when he has a choice to be here and we can connect for real but he chose to just be apart. He never has real reasons to go visit, but he always comes up with an excuse to make the trip.
Tl;dr- boyfriend goes to stay in his mountain town house close to his family for weeks frequently and it bothers me and makes me feel abandoned that he doesn’t care. I feel like I can’t plan things with him because he’s gone so much.