I would like to preface this by saying that i do have intimacy issues (caused by a past assault), and I cannot climax from penetration. I also have adhd and severe depression which to my understanding can affect libido. I don’t know if this is relevant information but I’d thought I’d add it. I would also like to add that I LOVE my partner. He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and we have a wonderful relationship outside of the bedroom. He’s also extremely respectful of my boundaries and has never done anything to intentionally harm me.
Anyways, my bf and I have been dating for over 2 years, I’m his first, he’s not mine. During the first year of our relationship we were consistently having sex and being intimate. Since then my libido has dropped and we’ve had dry spells, and here and there moments where we have sex. I feel that I am very good (and according to him) at giving in bed, but I cannot say it’s the same for him. I think i can count on my two hands the amount of times he has made me come in the two years we’ve been together. While he’s gotten better, it definitely hasn’t been great.
I’ve been upfront with him, and have tried to give him tips and suggestions but for the most part, they dont work and I don’t understand why, or he will not follow them. I don’t think it’s on purpose, while he is more interested in me giving him head than anything else, he does want to do these things for me.
When he does go down on me, it feels good, but it’s never enough to get anywhere. And eventually, I just feel desensitized. Same thing when he touches me. I have no issues with touching myself, while i know I have a low libido, I do touch myself and come often.
It’s extremely frustrating for the both of us, it makes me less interested in sex because I’m getting him off, but i’m also getting myself off, every single time. I feel like i’m doing all of the work. I think i’ve just convinced myself that I’m okay with it but recently it’s really been bugging me, especially when I want to have sex but the idea is exhausting.
How do I bring this up to him, as well as any tips? I feel like i’ve tried everything including toys, but nothing works and I don’t understand why lol
(also i tagged this as communication but I don’t know if that was right or not)