Me and my girlfriend have been dating for only 5 months now! We get along really well. I am 27M and my girlfriend is 31F. My girlfriend’s family love me (they’re farmers/hardworking people). My family do not like my girlfriend at all! My family says she doesn’t look very attractive by her face and her face looks old and manly and that I am still young to marry I should not marry someone like her! They told me to breakup with her slowly. Me and my girlfriend do fun activities all the time like creating art, horse riding (she is a professional trainer), cooking, cleaning together or buy clothes for each other. I have 2 degrees and I work in corporate culture. My girlfriend has a different career path than me (teaching disabled kids/people horse riding). My family (mom, dad, sister) can’t stand that I am dating an older woman and tell me that I am way more good looking than her! I think that these are all excuses because they don’t like her. I know we haven’t been dating for a long time but out goals align. My girlfriend was a drug addict for a year but she overcame that by going to a rehab. She is sober for a while now, which I think is a great achievement for her (like robert downey jr) but I can’t tell that to my parents because they will judge her anyways. We both want to marry each other. My family says people will make fun of us because of the family differences we have. My dad said we are very open and would accept anyone whom they like (both woman and the family). My girlfriend’s family is very religious on the other hand (my girlfriend is slightly religious). My family tells me that she is only a high school graduate and our family stature is different than their family stature. What should I do? Please advise. Thanks
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6 comments
first things first, drop your toxic family. also i would wait at least until a year in to propose but its your decision if you really love her. but seriously letting your family talk negatively about your girlfriend, especially about her appearance, is not something a potential husband does. either have a serious talk with them or cut them out for good.
Never marry an (ex) addict. Life can be hard as it is. You want someone that you can rely on to be your partner in life. Addicts are not reliable.
You’ll probably not win over your upper-middle class family that your girlfriend is a good pick. She’s older than you, they don’t think animal husbandry is worth anything, she’s an addict, and her whole family probably has your parents thinking of the hills have eyes. She’s the help, and it’s always fun to dabble but you don’t marry the good time.
Your family are judgmental assholes. AND ALSO. You have only been with this woman five months and she is an addict in recovery. That means it is best to go slow and not jump into marriage. You want to get through some challenging things with her and see if you can overcome them in a healthy way before you propose. In the meantime, leave or hang up every time your parents act like snobs.
I don’t care if she’s a supermodel, who graduated from Sorbonne, and uses her trust fund to finance Doctors Without Boarders…you don’t marry someone you’ve only known a few months.
Your family sounds like they are very “involved” in your life or that you really need their approval for your life choices and maybe this is the first time that you’ve ever departed from their expectations.
Regardless, they sound kind of shitty if they would suggest that you break up with someone because they don’t think she’s pretty enough for you…that’s some misogyny right there.
There are definitely some differences between you that could be cause for incompatibilities down the road. But don’t worry about down the road. If things are great at 5 months, why shouldn’t they be better in a year…or 2.
Put your family on an information diet. Date your girlfriend and see where you both stand in a year. When your family uses the excuse that your actions will make *them* look bad to others…we have a word for that. It’s not about *them*.
On the other hand, if you need your family to approve of the person you marry, they will never approve of this woman. And in that case, you shouldn’t waste her time. Ask your parents to find someone for you.
I say don’t rush into marriage. Take some more time to get to know her more. Heck try living together before marriage. I think (and studies show) living together before marriage..the relationship has a better success rate. Good luck