Recently I have noticed just how bad I am at being social. I had a decent amount of friends when I was younger but far less now that I’m in college. My realization of this started when I hung out w my boyfriend and 3 other people. They were all so easily chiming in w witty and funny things to say while I sat quietly. Usually when I talk to someone it’s just talking in a sense where we talk about our day or tell stories if that makes sense. I want to be able to be witty and make jokes but they just don’t come to me easily…
Hopefully someone gets where I’m coming from.. because I can of course “talk” and generally keep a conversation. But when it comes to having fun banter, I get stuck and end up being the quiet one.
I feel so bad about it recently I am even starting to convince myself my boyfriend thinks I’m boring because I can’t talk the way he does w other people. Does anyone have tips on how to get better at this?
(Edit to add on to this) as I was thinking more about this… when I text my boyfriend it’s a lot of “what are you up to” “oh that’s cool” “how is work” “that sucks” “nice” I swear we aren’t boring and maybe it’s cuz he is at work but I feel like my conversations are just lacking overall.
4 comments
It’s going to take time to develop your social skills, but you’re doing the right thing by reaching out.
First, look inward and work on yourself before fostering and maintaining friendships and relationships.
When you start developing yourself, whether through exercise, hygiene, clothing, education, etc., you’ll have more to talk about and thus be more interesting to others.
If you want some simple tips to become better with your social skills immediately, you can:
* Smile often.
* Listen actively.
* Ask excellent follow-up questions.
* Say their name in conversation.
* Maintain a relaxed body posture.
It will take time, but I promise you can improve if you practice.
What do you think?
Practice! Practice! Practice!
And not in a scary or discouraging way, but it’s gonna get worse before it gets better. What I mean by that is – the number one biggest thing about a successful social interaction is how naturally it flows. So right now, you can already maintain a conversation that flows naturally. When you’re trying to improve on that or become more dynamic or whatever, you’re gonna read tips or suggestions on what you can do. When you try to implement them, you’re actively practicing it and so that sense of organic flow might not be there, so it feels like you’re doing worse than the baseline that you started with. But over time, you’ll figure out what techniques fit with your style, how to read body language and to adjust based on what responses you’re getting and it’ll become almost autopilot.
That being said – people have different natures and there’s no one right or wrong way to socialize. Not everyone can be the popular kid or the class clown and – more importantly – not everyone needs to or should. Just because you’re not the one who usually comes in with the zingers or one liners or has people squirting milk out of their nose DOESN’T mean you’re “boring” or not contributing to the conversation. Every talker needs a listener and you can still be charismatic, confident, approachable, likeable and an excellent conversationalist without being the loudest or funniest person in the room. Be confident in being YOU and what YOU bring to the table, y’know?
It’s not only on you if you’re having boring convos with your bf. It’s a two-way street.
Yea this part. I can easily force a conversation and talk but when ppl are just almost being playful and what not it’s difficult