I have a friend group that consists of 3 of my friends (let’s call them A, B and C) and me. I don’t have any friends other than these 3 guys, but they all are part of another friend group that I am not part of. I have never been invited to their birthday parties because they celebrate with their other friend group. In the summer they go on vacation with that friend group and I am also not invited. For a long time now, I have felt that I am just their “backup” friend that they hang out with if they don’t have any plans. Also, we only do anything together if I organize it.
Until last year, I had been going to the gym with one of my friends (who was also a part of this friend group at that time), but then we had an argument and stopped talking to each other (and, as it turned out he was not liked by the other people, they just tolerated him). Since I don’t want to go to the gym alone, I asked A and B who were also going to another gym if I could join them. They told me that I could not because with three people it would take too much time. A few weeks later I found out that C also joined them.
A few months ago, we had a board game party at my place, and planned to order pizza for lunch. As it turned out all three had plans together before the board game party and they already had lunch.
This all came to a head yesterday. In my country, every year the universities notify who has been accepted on the same day and there are big parties organized in every larger city by the universities. Since I am the only one of the friend group who applied to university this year, I told them about it one and a half months ago and said that I would like to go to one of these parties in my city with them. Yesterday the place of this party was announced, and registration started, so I reminded my friends. One of them scheduled work on that day (he makes his own weekly schedule), another said he simply doesn’t feel like going (he already said this when I first told them of this party), and only one of them said that he might come. This would obviously be an important day in my life and they seem not to care or simply not understand.
I’ve felt for a long time that I am just a plus one in this friend group rather than a part of it. I don’t know whether I should leave this group or have a talk with them, but I feel that this situation is not good for me. I also have a hard time expressing my needs, which doesn’t help.