This is a complicated situation due to distance. He (25M) and I (F27) met online. He lives in the US, and i do not. We have an 12 hour timezone difference and we met online in 2022.
In the beginning everything seemed really perfect, as we got to know each other more, we spent more time together over discord, gaming together and watching movies together. In the beginning i felt like he would always respond to me, or say that he wants to talk to me, he would stay up or i would stay up to talk to him and the conversations would last hours. As things often change, everything started to GRADUALLY change. The responses became later, and i took it as us getting more comfortable so i would give him space. He told me he liked me and i also let him know that i liked him too, and we would have lots of chats about meeting up (me flying to come see him) talks about our future, marriage, etc. I even told my mom about him, and let her know that i was serious about going to see him in real life etc.
Him and i had become close, or i guess i felt like we were. He was still closed off in some ways, whereas i'm a person who kind of shares a lot if i trust the person, so i would open up a lot and keep the conversations going. As time went on i just felt like things were changing and i have talked to him about it, and he told me that he still cares for me and likes me, but it just doesn't feel like that anymore.
I grew up in a strict household, so my parent's never let me go out to meet friends, go on dates with guys, or actually try and build relationships with people which i feel has stunted me in a way. (Their version is that they were trying to protect me). I honestly, just feel like he no longer cares, and just says what i want to hear which really hurts? I've noticed alot of the time he is on discord in server calls (which i am unable to see which ones, but i know he is in them) and he only late replies to me at 3am when he is going to sleep and i feel like a last option, and that he genuinely no longer cares for me which hurts. When we first started talking, he would message me whenever he woke up or in the morning. vice versa, now i never get a message in the morning, only when he's going to bed which feels so forced.
A family member of mine was in ICU a couple of weeks ago, so i just didn't talk to him for two weeks, and i only got one message from him during that time which hurt so bad. i just wasn't doing well mentally, and i feel like he just doesn't care anymore.
I have opened up with my mom about how i'm feeling as i don't have friends to turn to for advice and she told me to not go see him and why am i chasing a guy who doesn't even care about me. but it's like in my head i know he cares, but then i see all of the things.. such as him not responding sooner, or sometimes when i want to call him he says no and that he's going to sleep, and it makes me want to cry? and then i feel stupid for wanting to cry because him and i aren't even officially together and it's like i'm begging for attention when all i want is for things to be okay between him and i, and go back to how it used to be when he was affectionate towards me. I don't want to look crazy and tell him all of this but i don't know what to do. I vented to my brother today and he just asked me why i'm so emotionally invested in someone i dont know irl and i get it, but also i felt like the guy and i have spoken since 2022 almost every single day and just letting go of all of that, with talks of marriage, meeting in real life, having kids, etc etc. will just break me???? my brother said it isn't even a good idea to open up and talk to the guy about it.
i'm a person who opens up and generally wants to talk about things and sort it out, even if it's me opening up and expressing how i feel but i dont know if guys are like that or even want to hear about that and it's freaking me out, because i genuinely want to feel okay but the past couple of months i've been feeling so lost and useless, and just on the verge of crying every single day. Right now it just feels like him and i don't TALK, he just 'responds' to me. When we talked after the 2 weeks of me going 'ghost' we called for a couple of hours and talked, and he said i 'ghosted him' and i said i didn't mean to, i was going through a lot. (I guess i just wanted him to say he was there for me and actually be there for me?????)
I would really like some advice since i don't have friends at all, or anyone to talk to about this. thank you.
tl;dr The guy i have been talking to since 2022 has possibly checked out emotionally, but still says he cares for me. i don't know whether he is just telling me what i want to hear. I don't know whether to give up.