I met someone 2 1/5 years ago who's a mother of a 3 year old. In the beginning it was great we were talking ever single day, make plans, hang out. Then it started to die out. Here and there we would talk, she would show interest here and there, caring, telling me happy birthday every year, she would watch all my stories on social media, and the times I would take a break from social media and would get back on it she'll reach out and ask how I've been.And it'll be an off and on kind of thing. We would hang out and then stop talk, then I started to focus on myself and pulled back.. I was in the process of moving back to California, I was also recovering from my surgery, and dealing with other personal stuff, during that time I wasn't on any social media, I took a break. December comes around and I moved back to California. A few days I decided to post online as I'm hanging out with my friends. The next morning she hits me up like hey how have you been, where have you been all these days and I would reply, then a few convos she leaves me on read. Mid conversation… And I told myself alright cool leave me on read like you alway do. In which it hasn't been the first time she has done that, we would continue watching each other story. Her birthday comes around and I tell her happy birthday, we talked for a bit at one point we tell each other the news about moving back to California, we then tell each other what are the odds we both moved back to cali and then we stopped talking after a few convos. A few days later my birthday comes around she tells me happy birthday as we both have our birthdays on the same month, we then plan on hanging out again. Not Until I was able to due to some priories I had to deal with. May comes around, I hit her up we end up talking on the phone for 2 hrs we then plan a date on when to hang out which was June 7. A weekend, I booked an air bnb rented a car and drove 4 hrs to her we hanged out the nect day since June 7 she ended up having to work. She tells me Don't get mad at me but I had to come to work, I tried to convince her to try to get the day off last second but it wasn't possible. Then she tells me as soon as I get out from work in the morning Ill go straight home get ready and we can have coffee and head to the beach. We ended up doing that, had a great time we laugh we had great conversations etc. Then she tells me what do you say we go dancing later tonight, I just have to go get my son for a few hrs from his grandparents and then I'll take him back since they have to go to an appointment later on today like around 3. And I said yeah I'm down what time were you thinking on going, she tells me what do you say at 8:00 and I said alright 8:00 will be. The time comes around, we head to a club we took a few shots. We started to get very close, for the first time ever she got very close to me before she would keep her distance and would tell me I'm not into physical touch and so I would respect it. But on that night I held my hand to her and said let's dance and I felt like she truly gave me her trust that night, for the first time I felt very connected as I showed respect. A few hrs later she had a few more drinks, the club was closing. We head to the car. As we are in the car I couldn't held in my feelings on how I felt towards her, I lean forward to her and kissed her twice, she then was like no no no don't do that. I pushed myself back and I told her twice I should've not done that, then she comes and tells me no no no it's okay you're fine don't worry. Yet I knew it wasn't, I knew she was going to say something. I then looked after her as she started to get nauseous, she passes out in the car. I grabbed my sweater and I placed it on top of her, I took her straight home and made sure she was drinking enough water and got her home safe and sound. I then head back to my air bnb knocked out didn't think anything else, the next day she calls me early in the morning as I'm sleeping, I answer and she's like good morning Sunshine how did you sleep and I tell her and then she's like I'm sorry about last night I feel very embarrassed and this and that then before we ended the call she tells me what do say you come over for a bit as you said you'll be leaving around 4 5 pm And just a heads up I have my son with me and the family I'm with they're home as well so don't be weird okay let me just clean and I'll let you know when to come over and I said alright sounds great. 30 min before I was packing and heading out she text me saying
Okay so don’t hate me for this but as I started cleaning I just did a lot of thinking and I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come over after all because I’ve always told myself I wouldn’t bring my son around another man like that and I need to stick true to that
I then said
No worries, I understand. I want to show you that I’m not here to come and go out of your life. I want to get to know you, know every aspects about you. I’ve always wanted to tell you this, but I just didn’t know how. I do like you, I enjoy spending time with you. I know your son means the world to you. My true intentions with you are serious.
She's like
I’m sorry I thought I had responded back to you. I hope you got home safe. The thing is I’m not really looking to date someone long distance it’s just not something I’d want
I then open up
my bad I knocked out as soon as I got home I made it safe, I was stuck in bakersfield for 2 and a half hrs because of heavy traffic…
And It wouldn’t be something I would want either, although For a healthy relationship I’d do anything to have it and I don’t date just to date I date with a purpose, I would move to San Jose and start a new life, it’s a sacrifice i would be willing to take. It would be a process but during the process Im willing to communicate with you and not every blue moon or have small talks, plan something ahead of time to hang out. I want my actions to speak louder than my words just how I did this weekend.. now that I’m in California im in a better place. I want a new life and grow with someone, I want a wife. I want to start a family and I put everything in gods hands. I hate this hook up culture and especially how this generation is and thinks, sometimes I feel like just throwing my phone away. Lately I’ve been bettering myself mentally physically and spiritually for not only for a better future but also for my kids and my wife. These are my wants, what’s yours ?
She's like
I feel like right now I’m not ready for something like that and truthfully I don’t like how you kissed me when I was super drunk
After that I opened up even more… all along I thought me openeing up to her would have us closer
I do apologize for the kiss, I was also drunk and in the moment. So for that I do apologize and I hope you don’t Think anything Bad about me. I stopped myself after because I know we were both drunk and it wasn’t right. And I did say “I should’ve not done that” loud and clear, so I backed off and looked after you and made sure you were good and you got home safe. So again I really do apologize.
And overall this isn’t me asking you out, I just simply wanted to let you know what my intentions are and I hope it doesn’t make you feel otherwise about me or you keeping your distance and I hope we continue to see each other in the near future or sometime again, don’t want you to mistrust me or make you think that I’m like these typical guys, in which I’m not and if I would’ve come off as these typical guys you would’ve noticed from the jump. And we wouldn’t be here, I’m sure you would’ve blocked me by then.
And I hope we meet in the middle, see where life takes us. And if you’re meant for me then it’ll be a blessing from god. I wasn’t going to speak my heart out on how I feel about you but it’s been something I’ve been wanting to tell you, considering how my life was in New Mexico it wasn’t to good, but things are different now for me. And I hope I get to know what your wants are and if there’s someone else who you’re interested in then I truly understand, and I’m not an option and I don’t consider myself as one.
At least now you know my intentions and what kind of man I am and if your intentions are different then I understand. I just hope we communicate more and not every blue moon, get to know each other, make plans, be on phone calls, hang out, get some mojito coffee. Talk about life, laugh until we can’t breath And just living in the moment as life is to short… And I know it’s not easy considering how your life is and your schedule, overall I truly understand.
if not then it’s been a pleasure to meet you all these time off and on and you will forever have a wonderful place in my heart.. and I truly apologize from the bottom of my heart
…….
After that text I sent I haven't heard from her, she didn't say anything back. And ever since then I pulled back, didn't continue pursuing, didn't double text or gave her a call.
At times I would post on Snapchat and sometimes she would watch my stories not all the time. And I would kinda do the same thing although I haven't been on social media for almost 2 weeks and I've noticed that she would post here and there and it's a sucky feeling to watch them and I really don't know what do or what would make her want to see me again, hang out again, as she felt like a soulmate to me. I tend to fight with msyelf on giving her a call, sending her another message, going to go see her in person as a surprise but yet all that might just push her away. Most times I wish things would've been different. When we would hang out it would feel so different, we would connect in such a deeper level as if we've known each other our whole life as we both have a lot of similarities goals we think the same we are quite the same and sort of act the same. Before this happened she would be one of the first people to watch my stories and no matter what day or time it was she would watch them all. And it's been quite hard pulling back as I've been wanting to date this woman for quite some time now and I truly have been seeing her as being my wife…
All in all I just wish to have her back and I don't know how or what to do…