Okay, so I know I've messed up here, hence the throwaway account. TLDR: I've been leading on two people because I'm not sure what I want and now I'm stuck.
I've (27F) ended up in a tricky spot with two people. I'm not officially dating either, though I've been involved with one in the past. They both want to be in a relationship with me, and while I haven't said yes, I haven't exactly shut either of them down either. Things are starting to feel pretty relationship-like with both, even though I've made it clear I can't commit right now due to a different crisis taking up all my time and energy.
Take Person A (36F): There's a strong physical attraction there, but I still don't feel completely comfortable being myself around her. We text constantly and have known each other for years, but in person, it still feels like I barely know her… and still… I cant get her off my mind. We tried long-distance before, but it was so difficult to navigate, ultimately we ended it on good terms. She recently came back into my life, so we've been chatting and flirting like old times. She wants to give it another shot, and I haven't said no, even though I have my doubts.
Then there's Person B (32F): We're really good friends, and she's recently admitted she is interested in something more. We're constantly together and have fallen into this routine that feels like we're dating (and others are starting to whisper) even though I haven't developed any physical attraction towards her. She gets why I'm hesitant about jumping into a relationship right now, but she is getting pretty frustrated because she feels like we're already there.
To sum it up, I've got a strong physical connection with Person A but struggle building that emotional bond. With Person B, I've got a strong emotional bond but struggle building that physical attraction. Neither relationship is official, but both are starting to feel like they are… one more physically, the other more emotionally. I care deeply about both, I'm attracted to them in different ways, and I can see potential for something real with either.
And yes… I'll admit I got myself in this situation because I was lonely! I'm not up for a full-on relationship right now, so… this setup filled that gap without the commitment. It's convenient but totally unfair to them. I know it's a crappy move, and I need to fix this before I hurt them more.
Part of me thinks I should just let them both go while I sort myself out properly. I know it's selfish to keep stringing them along like this.
But then there's that other part of me that's afraid of losing them. They're so freakin important to me. I don't want to miss out on something that could be really great…. I mean, they've both even said they're okay with keeping things casual until I'm ready for more. But I also know if I end things, I'm pretty sure I'd lose them from my life almost completely, and that would suck.
So, should I just suck it up and let them go while I figure myself out? Or should I try to make one of these situations work? How do I redeem myself?
Edited for typos and clarification!