Hi so I am new here, but I need advice.
So my Husband (24M) and I (24F) have been married 6 years and have 3 amazing kids (6,3,1(23months)). Anyways I have always stated even long before we got married that I wanted 4 kids. I dont know why that exact number but my heart has been set on it. Well after each of our kids and even during my husband would keep telling me how after this kid we were done and how he didn't want anymore, and would threaten getting a vasectomy. So, after our first we agreed that we would wait a year before he did anything in case, he changed his mind. Well he did and he kept changing his mind more than a girl changing her pad on her period. Well fast forward we have 3 beautiful kids, I'm a stay at home mom and take care of everything, while he leaves town for 5 days for work. So I am practically a single mom 5 days a week. Well after we had our 3rd kiddo my Husband got very crass and told me that we were never ever having another child,and that he didn't care how I felt about it. In turn that sent me into a crazy depression, well about 6 months later I was talking to one of our mutual friends who informed me that the last time they went out drinking together that my husband told him "That if I ever got pregnant again, He would leave me, and probably divorce me. And that he would never forgive me." Well after being told that I was livid so that night I sat down my husband and demanded a conversation about what was going on. He informed me that he didn't mean any of that and that it was just a lapse in judgement and depression. So then i told him that we need to have a two way conversation about the 4th kid situation. That is when he told me that there really wasn't a conversation to be had and that he made up his mind. Now fast forward to a week ago. The conversation got brought up again as I am still very very hurt by the fact that I don't even have a say in my body or my family. I explained to him that why yes I do still want a 4th kiddo, I don't want another right this minute. Rather a few years down the line. When things are less crazy and we are even more finacially stable. His response was still that it was never going to happen, but maybe it could if I could give him a GOOD reason why I want a 4th and a GOOD reason it would be ok for us to have a 4th and then maybe he would consider it.
So my questions are:
- Is there ever really a Good reason to want or have a kid.
- Am I the Ahole for being hurt and still wanting to have this be an actual conversation not just being told as if he owns my body.
and 3. what do I do? I don't want to lose my husband or our relationship, and I don't want to force him into another kid. I just want to feel heard and have an actual conversation. Is that so wrong?
Thank you all in advance