We've been dating around 3 months. We were friends for around 4 years, but both recently out of long term relationships. She admitted she's always had a crush on me, one thing led to another and before you know it we were seeing eachother.
We talked every day constantly via text this whole time, I met her friends and family, we told eachother how much we liked eachother etc. We went in super fast, when we said we should take it slow.
She is a very independent person (partly why I think she's FA) and has a very demanding career.
She went on a work trip for a week and literally as soon as she landed, I felt the communication change. Since then (around a month) a lot has happened.
When she got back, we were still texting and having phone calls but any plans to see her, she was always busy. This happened around 5 times, so I started to get the message. After about 2 weeks of that, finally she agreed to see me.
She said she's not ready for a relationship and we need some time apart. I had a hard time dealing with this because there was zero communication leading up to it that anything was wrong. Normally I'd voice a concern that made me feel this way, aim to fix it with my partner, and go from there. But there was nothing.
I agreed that's probably the best thing for now as we're both healing from our long term relationships and need to work on ourselves.
Literally an hour after having that conversation, she said she wishes it didn't go that way, if we hit the reset button, take things super slow and see eachother less. I agreed that sounds healthy and I'm happy to do that.
Fast forward 3 weeks, still not committing to dates, barely texting me, and very busy on social media doing things with friends, booking holidays and trips etc.
At this point my mind is a complete mess. I have zero answers to what his triggered all this and I'm literally in the process of losing my mind a little. I definitely lean on the anxious side, but I was secure and happy in my last relationship so I think this has all triggered it.
So ok I get it some people lose feelings and her being away from me probably gave her some clarity. But it's all the things she said to me in the first month of seeing her that has me super cut up.
The first time we kissed she said she'd been wanting to do that for years. She told me I'm the nicest guy she's ever met. She said it's so refreshing you haven't been putting pressure on me to have sex (we took it slow). She'd make me Spotify playlists. She said I was the first person she'd been with who respected her music taste. She'd be planning on going to gigs in 4 months time. That we'd start learning language together, the list goes on. Basically now I'm realising maybe she was love bombing me?
Anyway so she deals a lot with mental health. She medicates and tells me she has many bad days and feels super overwhelmed. I would always be there for a hug after work, or phone call to put her at ease.
She has a long history of severe trauma and abuse from childhood and relationships. History of self harm, eating disorders and has had a huge amount of therapy which is still ongoing.
I've been questioning my whole personality during this time, was I too much? Was I too needy? (Probably a little). Did I say or do something? I don't know. Because she hasn't communicated with me at all.
I've tried reaching out to have an open and honest conversation but now I'm basically being ghosted.
This has been legitimately traumatic for me. My brain is a mess, I can't sleep, I've stopped doing anything I enjoy and I'm completely depressed. I'm going through therapy myself which she knows about for my own issues, so all this on top has absolutely destroyed me.
All I can put this down to, is we moved to fast, it started feeling like a real relationship and that's when she shut down and discarded me. Which perfectly aligns with fearful attachment and because of her history of trauma and mental health and I can't help put the two together.
I don't believe she has lost feelings for me, because of all that she said and expressed feeling at the start. It felt soooo easy, I've never felt this way about someone before and we just clicked. She reciprocated this constantly. I've never felt this connected to someone which is why it's all so hard.
The other option is, I was too needy for her. I have been having a rough time since my last relationship ended and have definitely put her on a pedestal for my happiness which I've now realised. This space has given me some time to self reflect and this is what I want to explain to her in person. I need to sort my own life out so she is not my only source of happiness. But at the same time I think because I'm so far in this mess now I'm questioning myself with this. I was pretty happy, I just can't remember being that way anymore because this has been going on for so long now.
I'm losing my sense of reality and what the hell is going on.
Would love some help with some clarity on this.