I (25F) am in my first serious relationship, going on about 8 months now. It’s long distance as I was working abroad when I met him, and now he visits or I visit him every 1-2 months. We call about an hour every evening when we’re not in the same city together.
My parents haven’t said much but it all came out in a pretty unpleasant talk today. Essentially, they think he is unsuitable in every way and that I’ve completed lost my mind falling in love with this guy.
The thing is – I completely understand where they’re coming from. We are the same age but in different stages of life. I graduated 5 years ago, he had to drop out due to serious depression and has yet to complete college. I have a great job paying a high six-figure salary, he relies on his parents. Their biggest concern is his health and his prospects – he strikes them a guy who is aimless, even dangerous. I see a guy who has been dealt a terrible hand, but is slowly finding his way and building his life and mental health up again. For example, he intends on doing a one-year course the upcoming academic year, and to transfer to a full degree after that.
The most hurtful thing they’ve said is that he doesn’t really love me, and I don’t love myself for being with such a bum. My mother for example has been berating me for the fact that he didn’t take me home several nights and thought it was fine for me to take a cab home. On the weekends when he’s in my city, he’ll spend a bit of time with his brother (who lives in my city) and his friends. The problem is they’re all a bit flakey and don’t confirm plans until pretty late, if at all. My mother sees this as disrespectful – that he squeezes me in whenever he has the time. They disapprove of the fact that he doesn’t appreciate I work long hours in a stressful job and I can’t just be at his beck and call in the evenings. Of course the blame is with me too and I’ve been called out for showing a huge lack of self-respect.
They’re bitterly sad, worried and disappointed in me, such that I am considering breaking up with him. Of course I went into this with my eyes wide open, fully aware of the problems he faces and the uncertainties that lay ahead. I still fell in love with him because I see a wonderfully kind, honest, generous, brilliant, loving person in him. A guy who has given his best to me, as much as he is able to. When he’s been going through a tough day and all he wants to do is be alone, he still summons up the strength to be there for me. Who will change his plans and come to me (literally to another country) when he knows I miss him terribly. I have never met someone I trusted so completely, and whose company I enjoyed so effortlessly.
Now I have doubts about whether he cares for me as much as I do for him, and if he doesn’t, then it’s not worth the worry and heartbreak of not knowing what the future has in store for us. I think my parents could be right, but I know I only entertain the idea of breakup because my parents are unhappy.
TLDR- parents hate my boyfriend. Wondering if they are right about him. Even if they’re not, they’re really unhappy and making me miserable too. Considering breaking up with the only person I have ever been in love with.