i hate myself i fricking hate myself but how do i change 😭😭😭😭i hate my personality so damn much im so annoying i have 0 social anxiety i just play skibidi toilet in public at 100% volume as a joke idfk why but its funny and then i feel so stupid like "wtf am i doing im not a child why am i like this" so i wanna change (not just for this theres like a gazillion other reasons i just cba to list them) anyway enough yap on the reasons
like how do i change my personality?? 😭 and ive done a bit of research i've started making like "an ideal personality" but how do i actually do it???? i always forget 😭😭 and then i go back to the way i was its been so long idk how i can change bc i always slip back, be it after a week or a month or even a couple months or even a couple fricking years i always go back to how i was before 😭😭 internally my values and stuff have changed like on the inside i've made progress but on the outside i'm still the same it makes no sense??? like i used to love being alone and now i love helping people i'm a lot more empathetic and stuff but i never really know how to express all this intrinsic stuff idk if this yap make sense but no matter what i do nothing works 😭😭
anyway tldr bc i dont think any of that makes sense: how do i change my personality? how do i change the way i act if i keep going back to how i was before? how do i change my mindset?
edit: i dont think i have enough comment karma to reply to comments so uh i'll add any extra questions 😭😭
uh so with acting, what if i get burnt out?? cos i could probs keep up the facade for a bit but i'd get burnt out and im in a pretty crappy place mentally rn so id probably get burnt out before the faking it makes it 😭so how do i either not get burnt out doing this (getting motivation to help me, staying disciplined (bc i know how to be disciplined w stuff like homework or exercise but not with this 😭) etc.)????
and how do i let go of "old me" fully bc a couple years ago i did something similar and it was good for like 2 years or so but i kinda slipped back 😭and i dont wanna be doing this every year or two id rather be able to get rid of "old me" as few times as possible 😭 especially since the trigger was a couple of really crappy events that fricked my life up for a bit 😭