I can’t afford therapy so, hello.
Since my husband isn’t close to his family, he is super close to his group of friends. Never was an issue for me and I’ve been kind to them since I started dating him.
We are having so many issues in our marriage (separation is on the talks) but honestly I feel like his friends take too much space in our marriage, from decisions to opinions. I’ve always felt exposed because my husband doesn’t seem to understand how important (at least to me) is to have privacy. So everything that happens or doesn’t happen, he shares it with them. Every decision and opinion comes influenced by his best friends, no matter how many times I talk about wanting or looking to do/have/start something, it would be done only when he wants or when one of his friends says something about it.
I feel like I’m an outsider in my own marriage, no voice or opinion. Can’t defend myself (I made a post about them talking shit about me) without getting a “you are wrong”, they act like they know me so well when the one who should know me and leave that clear to them is my husband, if they lose weight then we should start to workout, if they buy a house then “babe let’s set the goal to buy a house”, things I want to do get pushed because “the guys are online”, I was called out by my husband for my Instagram posts because his friends felt the quotes I was posting were somehow related or directed to them, things I’ve said before are taken into consideration when his friends tell him so, shit that we should be figuring out together gets rapidly shared with his friends instead of talked with me, even mourning our dog he was on his phone texting them about it while I sat around crying by myself, since I don’t want to talk to them now he says I “prevent him” to “share fun time with his wife and friends”. Like I’m the worst piece of shit, while I’m trying to have a husband and a life I can be happy with and have control of it.
I can’t handle it anymore. I don’t know how to talk to him about this because I think he will get defensive and say that whatever I’m saying is not how it is and I’m wrong. And probably go and tell his friends some shit.
Any advice?
Edit: typo
4 comments
Your husband’s friends seem shit. Talk to your husband directly. It’s a marriage between you and him, not them. And don’t his friends have their own families? If there’s no healthy balance between the both, then girl you deserve to be treated way better. Talk to him about how uncomfortable it makes you, if he doesn’t understand, ask him to stay with his friends for the rest of his life.
I think an ultimatum is in order, and I usually advise against those. But if his friends are ruining your marriage, he needs to grow up. 95% of marriage is choosing your partner over everyone, every day. He can still have friends obviously, but if there’s more effort being put into his friendships than his marriage, maybe he needs some time to grow up and miss you. Just my opinion though 🙂
Honestly, probably leave. Segregating him or wanting to, from his friends is a no no. You sound like you are a bit of peace and a 1 person x 1 person human whereas he needs friends to be happy. You sound like you are two different personality types that will require a lot of hard work to make you a successful relationship
Sounds like he should marry them. Unless he suddenly pulls his head out of ass, your marriage won’t last. Let your husband know that his next and the next relationships will also fail, unless he marries his friends.