So I (F21) have a friend (M22) who’s behavior perplexes me and I am currently unsure of how I should respond. For some context: We are both part of a larger friend group and met at the beginning of the year. We got along but our interactions were very surface level and mostly within the context of the group. Only twice did we independently spend time together and both instances happened mainly as a result of circumstance. I developed a bit of a crush on him and sensed some tension, but I wasn’t sure whether it was reciprocated. I used to contact him on snapchat about school related things and he would take days to respond so I assumed he wasn’t into me. However, after not answering me for a while he apologized and gave me his number, saying that he didn’t have snap notifications. We infrequently texted, most often about logistical issues (where are you, what was the homework, etc.) and I left it at that, assuming he didn’t return my interest and saw me more as a surface level casual friend. He is also pretty well regarded as not being a frequent texter by our other friends.
However, after school let out he reached out to me and we got into regular contact. It was sudden, but I thought perhaps it was because his preferred medium of in person contact was no longer available so he resorted to text. We got much closer to the point it seemingly bordered on flirtation. We also talked about hanging out in person eventually, something he suggested. However, I suddenly noticed a shift in his demeanor. He would begin leaving me on delivered for long periods of time, then on read before answering hours later. I’d also like to note that I didn’t “push” him, I would answer when he texted me but I didn’t crowd him or over contact/ double text. One day however, After he left me on read for a few days, I asked him if we were good and he said yes them asked me whether he seemed angry. I told him I wasn’t sure which is why I asked and that I just noticed a shift in our interactions. He said we were good and we carried on as normal until he started getting distant again. After that, I didn’t pursue further contact and just went about my business. He texted me a while later and showed me a song he had learned for me on an instrument, we talked, and then the distance commenced. A few days later we saw eachother in person and I expected him to be buddy-buddy with me like he claimed he would be over text (saying we would have a secret handshake, etc.) , but instead at first he wouldn’t even make eye contact. Eventually he got over it somewhat and we played a game of chess, but he paid more attention to the other people in the group and I couldn’t exactly place what was going on. He wasn’t mean or rude to me, but he was quiet towards me and not the others. After that, I decided his inconsistent behavior was too stressful for me to handle so I just tried to forget about him entirely. After weeks of no contact, he’s texted me again. I’ve answered sparsely and drily because while I don’t know the cause of his behavior, it makes me feel jerked around.
My question is, how do I handle this? Is his inconsistent behavior normal within the realm of friendship? I don’t want to unfairly pull away from someone for normal behavior just because I am biased by my own non-platonic feelings, but I can’t tell if this is some kind of game or power play (which I do not want to feed into). I don’t at all expect people to keep in touch with me every day, I have ADHD so I forget most of the time if I’m honest, but it was the sudden shift in dynamic left me reeling and wondering if this is a normal de-escalation or whether he is behaving weirdly or if it’s because he sees me as a friend. I’m not sure how to respond to the situation. I want to just interact with him normally and wanted to get a second opinion to check and see what others made of it.
TLDR; My feelings are clouding my judgement and I cannot tell whether my friend’s inconsistent behavior is normal or intentional. How do I respond?