I'm in a new relationship with a lovely man (37) I (34f) met about a year ago, but have only been with for 7 months. We'd both been single for 5ish years before we met. I haven't felt like this since school, and am madly in love with him, which was been really nice and exciting. But he has depressive episodes and it's hugely triggering my anxiety bc he is so closed and doesn't talk about them or what he's feeling. At first I didn't realise that's what was happening, and kept thinking I'd done something wrong, leading to my anxiety spiralling through the roof and me being deeply unwell. Now he has said, after I had a bit of an anxiety breakdown, but his depressive episodes are happening more frequently and even though I know it isn't necessarily me I do keep saying things that trigger them (like I jokingly called him boring at the pub the other day and that has sparked one, or I talked about the last depressive episode when I didn't know what they were and said 'that was a bad month for us' and that sparked one) and so am feeling anxious anyway. I don't know what to do or how to help him, and when I ask what he needs from me he always says nothing. The problem is I do need a lot of attention and reminders that I am loved, and he has been better at contacting me during these episodes, but I still feel anxious and now also extremely sad about how sad he is and how he can't see what a wonderful person he is. I don't know what to do. I feel sad all the time and I darent tell my friends bc I have had a patchy dating history over the last 5 years and I don't want them to think I've picked another dud when he really is rather wonderful. But that means I am just feeling very trapped in my own thought spirals and guilty and horrible. How can I help him? Is it too soon to suggest couples counselling?
Tldr: my bf has depression and it's triggering my anxiety and I don't know what to do