My (20f) relationship with my boyfriend (21m) has been going good for two years. the thing is, i don’t think my love for him right now is any different or less exciting than the first day. of course the two years has been filled with lots of different things, including arguments, and we’ve bonded and changed as people, but i get insanely nervous and shy around him. and there’s times i over react to his presence and am too lovey and i can feel it. he hardly says anything other than sweet jokes here and there. i can tell that im being annoying though, and i don’t know how to tone it down a little.
so whenever we hang out a lot of the time it’s that im overly excited to see him to the point that if something changes or goes wrong in the plan i’ll be extremely disappointed which causes a poor mood, or even when it goes right im insanely anxious and will feel embarrassed and disappointed with myself which will often end in a poor mood. when we’re casually hanging out at the house snuggling, ill be overly affectionate and then become increasingly embarrassed to the point my mood becomes sour. or ill be speaking about whatever and rethink what i said until im convinced it was annoying and then feel embarrassed, and then yep! my mood is poor. also the simple parting ways saddens me.
there’s times where i let it show or have poor interactions with him about it, but he’s always just wanting to make me feel better and explaining how it was all fine and he loves me. most of the time though i try to keep it to myself because i don’t want to sour the time for both of us.
i think there’s probably some ocd or something going on i don’t know. has anyone dealt with this though? any advice on how to feel i guess better about our perfectly good experiences and stop feeling like i ruined them for myself?
TL;DR i’m so overly invested with my boyfriend and our time together that i feel like i’m constantly ruining it for myself. i can’t figure out how to stop overthinking the things in my control so that i can enjoy my time with him.