Although I (21F) love my partner (23M), things have not felt as good recently, and I want to remedy this. I am panicked. We have had a few hard conversations, but that is not unusual—his life is complicated, and our relationship has always had some unusual, complicated aspects (e.g. a difficult roommate, my lack of experience vs. his long and complex romantic–sexual past, etc.), but these recent moments have involved me expressing frustration with ongoing problems. We have been together for almost a year now, and dated for eight months before that, so things are quite well established.
He is comforting, sweet, effusive with his love and praise, very open to conversation, very open to vulnerability; he makes me laugh, and we can talk about anything at length together. He is the only person I know who doesn't drain my "social battery".
All that said, my feelings have been dulled recently (the last few weeks), and this worries me. I feel more averse to physical touch and sex, more easily overstimulated and overwhelmed; I am sometimes embarrassed by him in public situations (for which I feel terrible guilt), as he can be a little cheeky and dry-humoured and over-confident (though I am socially anxious, so I may misread others' discomfort); he has let me down in some of our difficult conversations recently, frequently falling back on mental health and making me feel like I am gaslighting him or expecting too much (I worry I am, somehow); and when he says things about our future, I feel a new twinge of anxiety. He has been hurt and abandoned before, and talks at length about how he would likely have to check himself into inpatient if we broke up, how he would never find someone like me again, how he would spend his whole life settling, how he sees nothing wrong with me, nothing that makes him even slightly uncomfortable or unsure. I feel a niggling sickness when he expresses this, because I do not reciprocate fully, and that is awful. I see things I find frustrating or upsetting about him (not that I ever express it in that context). I have also been suddenly feeling a little hollowed-out by the prospect of never experiencing romantic love with anyone else, which is disgusting to admit. He is my first love, I am his fourth or fifth (not to mention an extensive sexual history). I feel a kind of ache knowing I might never experience anyone else as fully—but I imagine that is just a grass-is-greener fallacy.
I don't know. All his little human faults are starting to irk me, which is deeply unfair, even if I don't express it. His lateness, his hurtful people-pleasing, his behaviour at the height of hard conversations, his incapacity to grit his teeth and do what needs to get done (work, relationships)… I hate how I am becoming frustrated. It could be that we have been spending too much time together, and when the academic semester restarts, I will have more distance and affection for him, but that seems like a weak solution.
I want to rediscover that warmth and assuredness I had in him; I want to show proper, wholehearted love again. Is it possible to re-fan that flame? He deserves so much better.
TLDR: How can I fall back in love my partner after a period of increasing disenchantment and discomfort?