This is my first time posting and I just need advice. Sorry if everything is all over the place I just can't stop thinking about all of this. I’ll try and answer any questions. I F 28 had a baby 2 years ago with my husband 27M we have 3 children. We have been together for 6 years now. I have always had depression but having it and going through postpartum was some of the worst times in my life. I had no energy I was always with my children with little to no breaks and my husband and I were in a rough patch. He seemed like he wanted to spend barely anything time with me, it seemed like he didn't want to be around and touch me anymore. I would cry and try and talk and find out what was wrong be it would usually start an argument or leave me feeling unheard and worse than I was before. I was almost solely taking care of the children and he would work, play video games, and watch TV. I rarely got any free time he was usually away for work or in the living room I would ask him to watch our daughter so I could be alone and he would agree and 5 minutes later she was at our bedroom door crying to be let in and he would just tell me to let her cry and ignore her. I had just left one of the best jobs I had ever worked and I felt like I was reduced to a unattractive mother and nothing else. We were struggling with bills. And both were stressed. Until I got a new job offer it was something new and exciting but very far away like countries away I wouldn't see my husband I wouldn't see my children but I knew we needed money and I was ready to travel. So I took the job and I thought everything was going to get better. I got my last paycheck from my last job and it was a pretty large check I paid all our bills and treated my husband and my children to anything they wanted. We started going on dates. My husband was still distant but I thought it was just taking him some time to warm back up and calm down after all the stress about money. We still weren't having sex but we were talking and cuddling like usual. It was time for me to leave it was early October when I left and I was stressing still about our relationship and trying to nourish it. But he was still cold and reserved. When I got to my new work site everything seemed great I would go out on my one day off and see the city I now lived in and my husband and I would talk he seemed sad and to miss me but I couldn't do anything but Reassure him that I still loved him and I missed him too. But nothing seemed to cheer him up. Then we started arguing again and it was worse than before. I was tired and feeling like nothing I was doing was good enough. One of the times we were talking and ok he said how I could do whatever I wanted here while I was here he just didn't want to know about anything and at first I was upset and taken back by it… but then I met someone 22M at work who was beautiful, smart, and kind. I knew the moment I saw him I was attracted to him. And for the first 2 months, I stayed away from him. I loved my husband and I wanted our relationship to work. But it was getting worse again I was at my lowest and decided to take him up on his offer. My and my coworker slowly got closer we bonded over stress. He was stressed over money and trying to take care of his family and I was stressed from not being emotionally taken care of. He stepped up even before I told him how I felt and tried to be there for me when I was down. Always making me smile and goofing around. It was great. Eventually, I asked if he'd like to have a fling I was leaving in 10 months and wanted to know if he'd be ok with that and he was. It was nice. I found out we could have sex because of an injury but it was ok we still hung out almost every off day and we were growing closer and closer. I was distancing myself from my husband we were still fighting and I decided I just wasn't going to talk to him anymore. We didn't talk unless I was calling to talk to our children. He was shutting down and never wanted to talk about anything of importance and I was sick of dealing with it. I decided I was done I told him I wanted a divorce, which started an argument. I had told him before that I wanted a divorce and that I would start the paperwork after I got back from my job and then I move my stuff out and find a new apartment. At the time his only reaction was “We’ll see” but he later said he'd go to marriage counseling and we'd work on our Marriage. So this time when I told him he asked why and then started the argument. A few months later I went home for vacation. My daughter was turning 2 and I didn't want to miss it. It was the first time my husband and I were in the same room together in 6 months. I went to our daughter and we hugged and she looked like she wanted to cry it broke my heart my son came and greeted me too then my husband tried to hug and kiss me. I stiffened and moved my face away. He was hurt because I spent the rest of the night giving him little to no attention just focused on our children. The next morning after he dropped the kids off to school he came home and blew up on me telling me he felt unanticipated for everything he was doing with the kids. I sat back in shock and told him that he now knew how I felt before I left and he stormed out of the room not coming back til lunchtime. He had calmed down and was ready to talk. He asked me if I was seeing someone else and I told him to truth that I was. He was really upset and seemed broken by it. I didn't ask him the same because I didn't care anymore. We started talking and I found out that before I left he had a work case he didn't tell me about and it could have demoted him if he lost it. It was why when I asked him to take out a work loan to help with the bills he refused and just told me he didn't want his bosses in his business. He was stressed and that's what made him act cold. That is why he was so argumentive the last few months and constantly on his game because he was stressed. It was an emotional conversation. But I still didn't feel anything again for him. We had to move houses because of a leak in our kitchen wall. We kept talking and I told him how I felt like he neglected me when I needed him. This wasn't the first time it was just the last time it wasn't that serious. I broke up with him and we were back together after 6 weeks. This time I didn't know how to work through our problems. He suggested he talk to a marriage counselor but I didn't want to so he asked me to talk to someone 55M at the church he knows to help mediate everything. But that person just made me feel like he was trying to make me a good Christian wife and help with our problems. I went back to work a few weeks later and was trying to work things out but I didn't know how to I feel so much hate and resentment in my heart so much anger and I don't know how to move past this he was my best friend the person I could be the most myself around he knew everything about me and my past. And still hurt me. A part of me doesn't want to throw away our marriage but a part of me thinks I don't have the strength needed to forgive him. Also, we're now in marriage counseling. Thank you in advance for any advice. How do I move pass this?
Tl;DR: I need advice on how to move on in my relationship with my husband from neglecting me after we had our daughter and being emotionally unavailable or if I should just let go and move on?